I've been sitting here giving some thought to how we could clean up the airwaves and also improve reality TV.
We have a great deal of nasty, vulgar and useless people eating up more than their "15-minutes of fame" who just need to go.
With that in mind, I have an idea. Since all of us are guilty of flipping through the channels surfing for something worthwhile and stopping on moments of TV from time to time, I propose that we combine these into a new type of TV.
Offering no warning to the "contestants" selected in an attempt to clean up TV and make it more family friendly, they will be kidnapped from their shows and shoved into the "Channel Surfer" show where they must instantly learn to cope with whatever situation into which they are thrust with the click of a button.
The losers are gobbled up by lions in the Serengeti or nibbled by pythons in the Amazon rain forest or maybe even launched into space on the OUTSIDE of a rocket to the moon. And they are penalized heavily for using foul language, vulgar gestures and terminology not fit for Grandma.
The possibilities are endless in terms of how we can remove or redeem the foul persons from TV!! Those persons unable to cope are gone and TV execs immediately have to choose to do better or they could well be next! How delightful!
Imagine... one moment, we are watching a program on the circus and the hapless celebrity is tangled up on the high wire in a pile of chairs. Then - WHOOSH! The channel clicks and they find themselves receiving the football on the 5 yard line in an arena football game in Florida! Just as they are about to take a wicked hit, they are plunged into the depths of the ocean to wander through the remains of the Titanic without a diving bell!!
Muuahahahahahaha!
This could all be a delusion brought on by pain medicine. . . I'm not sure at this point.
But can you imagine someone as nasty as, oh, say Kathy Griffin blubbering along as she attempts to navigate some pretty hairy situations that are made worse everytime she either swears or plays the 'celebrity card'?
It's just too delicious to contemplate. Of course, that means I must need to put my leg up to stop the throbbing that accompanies the clicking sound I am feeling in my head which is actually my pulse and NOT the buttons on the remote control switching things up for people who aren't really here.
Too bad... it kind of fun thinking of the pampered and spoiled dealing with some reality without a celebrity lawyer to negotiate their way out of the quicksand.
April 1, 2011
March 31, 2011
Higher Education
Reasonably literate and able to coherently hold up my end of most conversations that do not involve the discussion of the atomic weight of cesium, I began to look into expanding my education repertoire and perhaps take some online classes.
The reason for this moment of insanity was sparked by Beth who said bluntly "misery loves company" and since she is buried under an avalanche of homework, she wants me to likewise struggle for breath.
I think the motivation isn't so much that I would be subsumed by the sheer volume of work, but that it would offer me something to do while convalescing after my surgery this summer. At least I hope that is what her motivation is... if the plan is to kill me off by degrees through assignments and projects, then all is indeed lost. Whatever brain cell I might have retained from my college years must certainly be a dried and shriveled little waif. Plus, Beth's gonna look almighty stupid talking to a corpse.
I looked at a couple of schools online. Frankly, there isn't a school that offers what I'd really like to take, which is archaeology. They offer the "related" field of anthropology, which is related like a duck is related to a chicken.
Both tasty, both nice with potatoes and gravy, but not interchangeable.
I looked into the possibility of expanding my biology and sciences background. I even have certifications which would help add to my credits. But then the cold water bath of personal reality set in... where in heaven's name would any of that be useful other than to me, myself and I?
Call it a weakness, but if the only object is to just attend classes, they have a gazillion of those online freebies and podcasts where no credit is offered but you can just learn for the sake of learning. I know, because I've actually done some of them. Oddly enough, they were in archaeology.
It seems so logical to think that learning in and of itself is enough to justify the time, sacrifice and possible budget busting expense involved in attaining to a higher education. Lots of people do so. But at what personal cost is the education gained?
Our eldest son is working towards his first bachelors degree. The sacrifice for him in doing so is considerable. There isn't a lot of time for yanking around and partying, thankfully, he isn't bent that way to begin with, but he tries to be a diligent student in his schooling. Which is a pretty big deal as his opportunity is totally tied to his willingness to work hard and get good grades. Scholarships and grants ride on his success and will be removed if he drops below a certain GPA. That's actually a good thing... motivation usually involves money somehow either directly or indirectly through incentives and outright familial bribery.
But my question still comes back to what would I get the additional schooling in and how would I apply it in a way that would be able to bring glory to God, help my fellowman and in all things be of use?
Sticky wicket to be certain.
With the obligations of care placed upon me by choice and circumstance, would it be fair for me to take on more in a selfish grasp at the brilliance that has thus far eluded me? Would it be fair to do so when my husband, who CAN use the added credits and diploma to advance, should indeed go first? The truth comes down to a very simple equation. To whom it can be of the most benefit, the opportunity should be offered first. Everyone else can wait either for their turn or to be bypassed for a worthier candidate befitting the opportunity.
I like to learn. I try to learn at least one new thing everyday and implement it in some way so that I retain the information. Take for instance, the funeral area in Egypt that has revealed millions of mummified dogs, jackals and puppies offered as sacrifices to Anubis, the jackal-headed god of the dead. I pondered if this expression of substitutiary religious offering of atonement were not somehow a veiled copy of the paschal offerings the Egyptians had seen in the Hebrews who had lived among them. Were they offering what, to the Children of Israel, would be a defiled offering? Or was this a longstanding practice among them in an effort to purchase their safety into the underworld of Anubis?
These and other questions sprung to mind as I weighed the relative merits of various religious expression studied over time. Who is to say that all of these various forms and methods didn't spring from that one couple in the Garden of Eden who begat the family of man? And, although I have made my selection and believe in the One True God and follow the teachings of Jesus Christ, I can see where circumstances and beliefs of various peoples evolved over time. I respect their right to have worship and religious rites and will fight to the death for them to have their own sacred expression. We all lay claim to that privilege of worshiping how, where or what we may. Even if that worship involves dogs.
But education? Is all of our educational worth to be summed up in classrooms, books, assignments and grades? Isn't education a majority of our life's passion? We learn and apply what we have learned either as a stepping stone to something greater or as a momentary understanding which we are now free to cast aside and move beyond. Not everything is a 'keeper' in terms of what goes on in the process.
It is my deepest desire to become more than I am and to be of worth to God, to my family and friends, and to the greater world of neighbors who surround me.
I just am unsure of how to do that and still have time for the essential work that is required at my hands. Time management has never been a strong suit of mine.
In the meantime, I shall continue to glean information the best way I can through the bits, bytes, books and blessings offered to me as they come. Perhaps that will add up to an educational experience that will be of some benefit to those who share my life someday.
I truly hope so.
The reason for this moment of insanity was sparked by Beth who said bluntly "misery loves company" and since she is buried under an avalanche of homework, she wants me to likewise struggle for breath.
I think the motivation isn't so much that I would be subsumed by the sheer volume of work, but that it would offer me something to do while convalescing after my surgery this summer. At least I hope that is what her motivation is... if the plan is to kill me off by degrees through assignments and projects, then all is indeed lost. Whatever brain cell I might have retained from my college years must certainly be a dried and shriveled little waif. Plus, Beth's gonna look almighty stupid talking to a corpse.
I looked at a couple of schools online. Frankly, there isn't a school that offers what I'd really like to take, which is archaeology. They offer the "related" field of anthropology, which is related like a duck is related to a chicken.
Both tasty, both nice with potatoes and gravy, but not interchangeable.
I looked into the possibility of expanding my biology and sciences background. I even have certifications which would help add to my credits. But then the cold water bath of personal reality set in... where in heaven's name would any of that be useful other than to me, myself and I?
Call it a weakness, but if the only object is to just attend classes, they have a gazillion of those online freebies and podcasts where no credit is offered but you can just learn for the sake of learning. I know, because I've actually done some of them. Oddly enough, they were in archaeology.
It seems so logical to think that learning in and of itself is enough to justify the time, sacrifice and possible budget busting expense involved in attaining to a higher education. Lots of people do so. But at what personal cost is the education gained?
Our eldest son is working towards his first bachelors degree. The sacrifice for him in doing so is considerable. There isn't a lot of time for yanking around and partying, thankfully, he isn't bent that way to begin with, but he tries to be a diligent student in his schooling. Which is a pretty big deal as his opportunity is totally tied to his willingness to work hard and get good grades. Scholarships and grants ride on his success and will be removed if he drops below a certain GPA. That's actually a good thing... motivation usually involves money somehow either directly or indirectly through incentives and outright familial bribery.
But my question still comes back to what would I get the additional schooling in and how would I apply it in a way that would be able to bring glory to God, help my fellowman and in all things be of use?
Sticky wicket to be certain.
With the obligations of care placed upon me by choice and circumstance, would it be fair for me to take on more in a selfish grasp at the brilliance that has thus far eluded me? Would it be fair to do so when my husband, who CAN use the added credits and diploma to advance, should indeed go first? The truth comes down to a very simple equation. To whom it can be of the most benefit, the opportunity should be offered first. Everyone else can wait either for their turn or to be bypassed for a worthier candidate befitting the opportunity.
I like to learn. I try to learn at least one new thing everyday and implement it in some way so that I retain the information. Take for instance, the funeral area in Egypt that has revealed millions of mummified dogs, jackals and puppies offered as sacrifices to Anubis, the jackal-headed god of the dead. I pondered if this expression of substitutiary religious offering of atonement were not somehow a veiled copy of the paschal offerings the Egyptians had seen in the Hebrews who had lived among them. Were they offering what, to the Children of Israel, would be a defiled offering? Or was this a longstanding practice among them in an effort to purchase their safety into the underworld of Anubis?
These and other questions sprung to mind as I weighed the relative merits of various religious expression studied over time. Who is to say that all of these various forms and methods didn't spring from that one couple in the Garden of Eden who begat the family of man? And, although I have made my selection and believe in the One True God and follow the teachings of Jesus Christ, I can see where circumstances and beliefs of various peoples evolved over time. I respect their right to have worship and religious rites and will fight to the death for them to have their own sacred expression. We all lay claim to that privilege of worshiping how, where or what we may. Even if that worship involves dogs.
But education? Is all of our educational worth to be summed up in classrooms, books, assignments and grades? Isn't education a majority of our life's passion? We learn and apply what we have learned either as a stepping stone to something greater or as a momentary understanding which we are now free to cast aside and move beyond. Not everything is a 'keeper' in terms of what goes on in the process.
It is my deepest desire to become more than I am and to be of worth to God, to my family and friends, and to the greater world of neighbors who surround me.
I just am unsure of how to do that and still have time for the essential work that is required at my hands. Time management has never been a strong suit of mine.
In the meantime, I shall continue to glean information the best way I can through the bits, bytes, books and blessings offered to me as they come. Perhaps that will add up to an educational experience that will be of some benefit to those who share my life someday.
I truly hope so.
March 28, 2011
Here snakey, snakey, snakey...
While waiting for my pain pills to kick into that comfortable and dopey (er) state of being that masks the burning pain in my left ankle, I was reading an article on line about how a zoo had (oh my goodness!) MISPLACED a snake.
No garden snake this... oh, no! They seem to have difficulty locating a poisonous COBRA.
A C - O - B - R - A. Cobra.
Isn't that one of those Egyptian snakes that is used in ritual and lore and can turn you from live to dead in a single bite?
And further, how, precisely, does a snake leave without anyone noticing?
It's not like everyone even knows how to identify poisonous snakes either.
Do they shake hands if they are 'friendly' snakes...? Oh, wait, snakes don't have hands.
Do they have warning labels from the Surgeon General? And if they do, why didn't they secure the snakes when they pasted the little labels on them in the first place?
And what methods are used to 'call' a snake? Do we need to import snake charmers? Or will they answer to a specific tone played on a Wurlitzer organ like the aliens on "Close Encounters"?
Do they have names? Pharaoh, Hasheptsut or Steve? And if they do would they come when you call or look at you disdainfully like teenagers and sulk off to be moody all alone?
I am not comforted by the fact that this snake escaped from the Yankees at the Bronx Zoo. This could very well be the first salvo in another round of guerrilla warfare held over from the "Late, Great Unpleasantness". They may well be trying to claim our more pleasant weather since they have been pounded this winter.
Hmmmm.
Maybe that is why the snake left. Maybe that cursed cobra was freezing his hood off and needed to get somewhere warm enough to thaw out his venom sacs.
Come to think of it, I don't remember reading a whole lot of papyri that discuss snow storms in the Nile delta, nor do I remember seeing any hieroglyphics that depict King Tut whacking his royal advisers with a snowball that had an ice core.
And chariot races would take on a whole new meaning with sled runners attached to the chariot. Are there any Egyptian sleigh bells in the museum in Cairo?
All I know is that the cobra's life expectancy is down to a mere sliver if it shows up here at this house. I can well imagine the nice belt and wallet it would become with one blast of my gun. After all, I have seen Riki Tiki Tavi and know how "the man" dispatches Nag and Nagaini with his gun as Riki dances his dance of snakey death. Though I lack the mongoose, I do have Gypsy and she doesn't care for snakes anymore than I do.
So while the Yankees struggle with their little snake problem. I will sit here happy in the knowledge that until snakes develop the ability to use credit cards to purchase travel vouchers to bring them here to be shot and killed, I will be safe.
Hope those damnyankees find their cobra. Otherwise, they are gonna look pretty stupid when Bubba and Earl show up with a new belt or hat band.
No garden snake this... oh, no! They seem to have difficulty locating a poisonous COBRA.
A C - O - B - R - A. Cobra.
Isn't that one of those Egyptian snakes that is used in ritual and lore and can turn you from live to dead in a single bite?
And further, how, precisely, does a snake leave without anyone noticing?
It's not like everyone even knows how to identify poisonous snakes either.
Do they shake hands if they are 'friendly' snakes...? Oh, wait, snakes don't have hands.
Do they have warning labels from the Surgeon General? And if they do, why didn't they secure the snakes when they pasted the little labels on them in the first place?
And what methods are used to 'call' a snake? Do we need to import snake charmers? Or will they answer to a specific tone played on a Wurlitzer organ like the aliens on "Close Encounters"?
Do they have names? Pharaoh, Hasheptsut or Steve? And if they do would they come when you call or look at you disdainfully like teenagers and sulk off to be moody all alone?
I am not comforted by the fact that this snake escaped from the Yankees at the Bronx Zoo. This could very well be the first salvo in another round of guerrilla warfare held over from the "Late, Great Unpleasantness". They may well be trying to claim our more pleasant weather since they have been pounded this winter.
Hmmmm.
Maybe that is why the snake left. Maybe that cursed cobra was freezing his hood off and needed to get somewhere warm enough to thaw out his venom sacs.
Come to think of it, I don't remember reading a whole lot of papyri that discuss snow storms in the Nile delta, nor do I remember seeing any hieroglyphics that depict King Tut whacking his royal advisers with a snowball that had an ice core.
And chariot races would take on a whole new meaning with sled runners attached to the chariot. Are there any Egyptian sleigh bells in the museum in Cairo?
All I know is that the cobra's life expectancy is down to a mere sliver if it shows up here at this house. I can well imagine the nice belt and wallet it would become with one blast of my gun. After all, I have seen Riki Tiki Tavi and know how "the man" dispatches Nag and Nagaini with his gun as Riki dances his dance of snakey death. Though I lack the mongoose, I do have Gypsy and she doesn't care for snakes anymore than I do.
So while the Yankees struggle with their little snake problem. I will sit here happy in the knowledge that until snakes develop the ability to use credit cards to purchase travel vouchers to bring them here to be shot and killed, I will be safe.
Hope those damnyankees find their cobra. Otherwise, they are gonna look pretty stupid when Bubba and Earl show up with a new belt or hat band.
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