I Can Resist Anything... but Temptation

Mortal beings we... life is difficult at times and the propensity of the fallible souls we are gets in the way of good choices at times.

Then, the emotional and spiritual flogging begins.

Our failings have once again eroded all possibility that God loves us, cares for us, or desires to redeem us.

Temptation. Who me? No Garden of Eden moments please.

We all want to be "THE ONES" to whom mortality and its rules simply don't apply.

I can resist anything... but temptation.

Oh, but the fact is, that is exactly why we are here. It's not about how many times we fall down. Because WE ALL FALL DOWN.

This little exercise in humility has everything to do with how many times we drag ourselves up from the dust, the mud and the embarrassment of failure and stand up, a little bruised and beaten from the experience, to try one more time to get it right.

As the charter president of the "2 x 4 Club", the onus is upon me to do some explanations.
Or as Ricky Ricardo so eloquently states "Lucy! You got some 'splainin' to do!"

Hard heads and mortal lives are a combo package. We all want to be the best in something, but often forget the best "something" we can be best at is to be OURSELVES.

The goal is perfection, but it WILL NOT BE FULLY ATTAINED IN THIS LIFE!

But all we hear is what is expected of us and how we aren't there yet. So beating up ourselves and making the trials we endure sharper by comparison, our mortal experience is walloped by the reality that we are flawed, human, ignorant and all to willing to follow the Pied Piper of Personal Pleasure until it is too late to come up with the purchase price for our bail money.

How totally mortal we are to forget that the Tempter has already been OWNED! Our beloved and wonderful Savior has his number in spades. Jesus Christ knows the games and torment planned for us to endure by Satan and he has provided a way to overcome through the Atonement.

But Satan wants us to wallow. It's easier to keep poking at the sore spots when we help him to do it by making it seem like we are somehow beyond hope and unworthy of the care of God, Our Father. We grant Satan power by forgetting that the Savior, who bears the literal marks of our purchase in His Redeeming blood, stands ready to forgive us 70 times 7 and more, so long as we are moving forward - sincerely moving and striving and aching to be made whole.

We pride ourselves on our "willpower".

But we flog ourselves on our 'won't power'. Those times where we promise "we won't" but then we do... because we are mortal, we are learning and we are selfish. It's a little exercise in self-abuse that is more damaging to our eternal soul than virtually anything else you can imagine.

Temptation is part of mortal life and NO ONE is exempt, not even Jesus Christ!

How easy it is to forget that Satan tempted Him and if the temptation had not been a true temptation to forgo all that Jesus had promised to do for us, there is no way Christ could understand us and be willing to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. He, the Savior of the World, Redeemed us with His literal body and blood.

Christ resisted temptation, not because it was easier for him or the trial somehow cheapened and made less. He resisted the temptation because He loved someone more than He loved himself.

Christ resisted because He didn't want to let us down. He DESIRED to help us because he loves us enough to resist. He resisted because it was the price He DESIRED to pay because He wanted to save all of us who would be willing to heed his pleading and tender invitation.

"Come, follow me."

Temptation comes in more flavors than Baskin-Robbins ice cream ever dreamed of and it is uniquely personal to each struggling Child of God. What tempts me to my very foundation may be no struggle for you at all. Which is precisely WHY we need each other.
We are not to condemn one another because the sins that another chooses to battle aren't the ones we hold close and struggle with ourselves. Instead, we are to encourage and lift one another through the temptations that are part of the test of mortal life. We are to choose to help and choose to overcome through Christ.

The greatest gift we have been granted other than our very lives is the gift to CHOOSE. Our moral agency determines whom we list to obey. We can choose to heed only our passions and personal gratification. We can choose to vacillate between two masters loving neither fully, serving neither fully. And thus choosing the temptation instead of the crown, we choose the consequences of life outside the Kingdom of God.

Becoming all that God sees within our souls will never be easy and there will always be struggle in mortal life. Temptation is seldom handled conveniently nor is it something that can be brushed aside.

But the truth is that we can, with help, overcome the temptation that threatens to destroy our peace.

That help comes through the gospel of Jesus Christ and through the ministering of angels who are sent from the Father to bear us up, strengthen us, and shield us so that the fiery darts of the adversary cannot destroy us.

But we must CHOOSE.

Struggle will be a part of mortal life from first to last breath. Temptation dogs our heels and nips at our souls like a hungry and ferocious wild dog seeking only our destruction for its own ends.

Fortunately, we are not now nor are we ever alone. God is mindful and Jesus Christ has ALREADY paid our bail. The Holy Spirit can touch our heart, mind and soul to know what to do and how to do it. All we need do is be willing to resist even when it is hard to do so.

Resisting is hard, but it is the only way we grow up straight and true and worthy to be inheriters of the Kingdom of God. It's something I try to keep in mind when I pull out my own whips, red hot pokers and heavy chains with which I flog myself when I fall down.

God doesn't want to see me kick someone when they are down even when that person is fallen, helpless and suffering me.

Instead, He wants to see me show myself the kindness I'd show another suffering soul that has fallen into a mire of temptation who needs my help and His to get out of the mess.

My Aunt Jewel had this little bit of poetry by Veda Ponikvar that sums up the whole issue rather nicely.

SAINTS AND SINNERS



When some fellow yields to temptation

And breaks a conventional law,

We look for no good in his makeup,

Oh, Lord, how we look for the flaw!

No one asks, "Who did the tempting?"

Nor allows for the battles he's fought.

His name becomes food for the jackals,

The saints who have never been caught.

I'm a sinner, O Lord, and I know it.

I am weak, and I blunder and fail,

I am tossed on life's stormy ocean

Like a ship that is caught in a gale.

I am willing to trust in thy mercy,

To keep the commandments thou'st taught.

But deliver me, Lord, from the judgment

Of the saints who have never been caught.

The Big Flush

Cleaning house is a never ending occupation that is only truly noticed when it DOESN'T happen.

When everything runs seamlessly and everyone has undies in the drawer, it seems that life ticks along just fine.

But let the unforeseen occur, and a traffic jam of epic proportion happens on the axis of life. Children whine, husbands sulk and dogs act as if they are a distant relative unsure of making your acquaintance.

When the "lady of the house" gets sick or is unable to perform the duties for which she wears the crown of Domestic Goddess, it affects everyone.

Heretofore skilled persons are unable to discern which handle turns on the water, turns on the washer or flushes the toilet.

I propose a solution of which even the most ill and germ-ridden Queen of the Domicile would approve.

Picture it.

A gleaming handle attached to the wall in a special lock box.

The special coded key is inserted.

The klaxon sounds and the red strobe alerts everyone that play time is over and the cleaning will now begin... with extreme prejudice.

The FLUSH HANDLE O' LIFE!!

Yep, sisters really can do it for themselves and then return to their sick beds.

One flush and everything nasty gets a complete cleaning from nasty footprints on the wall to the couch you got at a yardsale. A baby's behind is washed clean and re-Pampered with all the care you would expect.

Floors, walls, windows and furniture returned to pristine show-room clean in a matter of seconds.

The kids and pets would all have to be taught how to hold their breath when the warnings go off, but they would adapt pretty soon and they would be clean to boot.

You can tell your spouse about the upcoming procedure at your leisure depending upon how much he helps or ditches you every week. I imagine that level of cooperation around the home would improve when they realized those big drains that opened up to receive everything that got flushed would take everything from camping equipment and golf clubs to the kids' sharpened Lego's and Jack rocks that pierce naked feet at night instead of being in their proper place.

Of course, an alternate use would be up to your own discretion. Have a houseguest that just needs to go?? Flush them out.

Salesman show up? Give him the Tidy Bowl treatment.

Unexpected visitors? Flush it all clean and sparkling with enough time left over to primp up and look like a fashion plate... or at least a fashionable napkin ring.

I think this idea has merit and will be actively applying for a government grant to study, research, categorize, organize and prepare a lengthy on site experiment.

A few million ought to cover my expenses each year until the project is either completed or abandoned.

Send your contribution in a plain brown envelope straight to me.

I promise to use the money to buy chocolate.

The Pre-Approved Life

Boldly, the envelope proclaims the good news!

I am "PRE-APPROVED"!

But how can you be approved for something before you even ask? Have the credit card and loan companies become omniscient in their ability to know my needs, wants and desires, or have they also pre-approved a set of those as well?

On the one hand, I am flattered that they think enough of my worthiness to offer me, an unemployed stay at home housewife with a penchant for leopard skin bedroom shoes, blue jeans, t-shirts and baseball caps their line of credit or offer of a loan.

Bright woman that I am with a functional pair of bifocals, I can read the tiny writing proclaiming the reality of my pre-approved status. High interest and penalties... is THIS what I'm really pre-approved to receive?

It's sort of a yucky surprise, like finding out your brand new rectal thermometer has been factory tested to ensure it works properly. Exactly how... no, skip that. And by the way, just think about that job offering... who would be eager for that assignment. Eeeeeew!

Naturally, all of that "pre-approval" crap is just that - a big whacking load of manure from the barnyard. You can't get all those glorious benefits without some kind of hidden stench.

I just read about a company that charges saps who don't understand how interest works a whopping 78% on their credit card. Of course, their carefully prepared come on letter doesn't reveal that nasty surprise right up front. It's buried beneath the layer upon layer of manure that talks about living the "good life" and being "entitled".

Pre-approval is a scary thought.

Since I have no way to pay back anything I might decide to purchase with the ridiculously high credit limit offered by the Peoria Savings and Loan of Dubuque, Iowa, does this mean (and I say this in jest) that I am pre-approved to force others to pay for my choices when I default on my pre-approved card?

Does that then mean that others are pre-approved to bail my ass out when I refuse to be responsible?

Yeah, I know.

I'm not politically correct since I don't buy into the "entitlement" and "you deserve it" game.

How much of the stuff we surround ourselves with is a pre-approved lifestyle? How much is truly necessary?

George Carlin once spoke about our human penchant to surround ourselves with "stuff" that we then go get boxes to put our "stuff" in so we then have room to get "MORE STUFF".

The pre-approved life is crowding me out of my own home! Can I be pre-approved to have a dumpster delivered so I can get rid of some of this pre-approved crap??? The weight of my own life choices is killing me... and I guess I'm pre-approved for the pain.

I'll tell you what I'd really like right now.

I'd like to be pre-approved for a big, gigantic eraser to remove the words "pre-approved" from the lexicon. All it really means is that you become the slave to your appetites and passions under the guise of being entitled.

Maybe Mark Twain had it right all along by saying something about everyone being entitled to go to hell in their own way, I just didn't expect mine to be under a mountain of envelopes indicating that I am living the pre-approved life.

My only question now is, since my life has been pre-approved, who gets to decide about my pre-approved death???

Bizarre Thoughts

Watching TV, I saw this ad for a machine that is supposed to give men "rock hard washboard abs". How do we test this? Can we actually do a side by side comparison between a washboard and these alleged washboard abs and see which gets the laundry cleaner?

Then, there was the ad for hair replacement systems that extolled the virtues of snatching hair from one follicle on your head and placing it in a barren location in another location on your head to give you that "full head of hair you've always wanted". They say this is even good for women who have thinning hair and are going bald! Woo hoo and who knew?

Hey, wait a sec here - if they have the technology to give you a full head of hair, can't they just take the hair from places you DON'T want it. I'm thinking their female clientele would like to have their little mustaches and beards turned into a luxurious mane of hair. Maybe the hair follicles on their legs could become a new Pompadour in due time. Armpit hair... well, maybe we should just remove it and not transplant it anywhere.

And how about those ads for weight loss patches? Slap a few of those bad boys on and drop the pounds like they were hot. Or not. I'm thinking skin rash and irritation. Not that the idea of losing weight with no real effort on my part isn't appealing, I just wonder about the side effects... like going bald and requiring a hair transplant from my armpit.

I truly love the ads that preach about the wondrous and miraculous powers of various cleaning products that can turn your home into a show place with only 6 payments of $39.99 but if you act now, we'll cut the price in half and throw in another just like it for free providing you pay separate shipping and handling. If Comet and elbow grease can't clean my house, I'm quite sure going into bankruptcy to buy products from occupied Taiwan won't help. They put lead into a lot of their stuff. I'm stupid enough as it is, thanks.

There was one ad that did intrigue me, however.

It was for a 'bark arrest remote' for dogs. I pondered that for a few moments and wondered if it had a "people" setting. It would come in handy when someone is barking at you like you are dumber than pig swill and certainly would be useful when political campaign season starts. Or finishes.

Oh wait. They don't stop. EVER. Imagine how nice it would be to push a button and remove the rhetoric.

How delightful! Peace, quiet, sanity all at the push of a button! Hey! A girl can dream...

I also like the ad that wants us to buy their products to whiten my teeth at home. It assumes my middle name is Old Yellow Fang and my teeth are the color of ripe corn. My concern here is that age old human propensity to think "if a little is good, a lot will be better". Could you actually whiten your teeth to the point they can also double as a bedtime reading lamp? Would that even be desirable? Has anyone field tested this?

Commercials sell products pure and simple. But some of the products they hawk are of dubious quality and more sketchy results.

Momma and Daddy always told us kids "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is too good to be true." They also said "A fool and his money are soon parted." Don't think I want to be counted a fool today.

Still, some of those ads sound alluring.

According to the perpetually cheery, loud and perky voices, we can all be smart, beautiful, smell nice and be tone, tanned and buff if we use their products. We can have homes that are clean with little effort, teach our kids to read and write in multiple languages before they can use the toilet by themselves, be the envy of our block, and all for a few hundred low, low monthly payments.

I just don't want to see the credit card bill for all of this wonderful improvement in my life.

But hey, we're good friends, right? So since we are friends, I know you will feel free to pay it for me, would ya? I promise I'll get it next time right after I watch this next amazing commercial about covering scratches with this fabulous clear coat pen no matter what color the paint is...