Why do we do what we do and more importantly, why do we avoid what we do?
Kids are generally motivated by their parents to complete tasks. With the time honored methods of cajoling, bribery, threats and promises, most work assigned gets done to a reasonable level of satisfaction.
How does that translate into adult motivations for what must get done before the sun goes down each night?
I mop the floor so people won't think I selected dog print tiles. Although that is a mighty tempting thought... dog print tiles... but I digress.
I do the laundry because, frankly, I love the smell of the fabric softener. I love the feel of a still warm towel on my wet skin. I love the fact that I don't smell like I just completed a manure roll in my clothing.
I don't do dishes.
I don't even feel ashamed about this particular bit of revelation. I don't do them unless I want to. My wonderful husband does them. Hey, I figure if I'm out mowing the yard, then that's a pretty good trade off.
I make the bed because to not make the bed seems slack and tacky.
But the spiritual motivations for life are sometimes harder to discern.
Box-checking is a popular term for going through the spiritual motions without any real sense of accomplishment other than having done the deed.
That doesn't have to be all bad because I don't believe every single thing in life is a 'hip-hip-hooray' kind of moment. Some things we do because they simply have to be done.
But some things have leeway.
Like when to iron a shirt.
I had a dorm mother who insisted that if you didn't iron things and hang them up the very moment they were washed that you were a complete and utter slacker lacking in domestic skill. Okay. Sold.
But I usually have a basket of shirts awaiting ironing and I get to them eventually. I actually know people who don't iron until they are planning to wear something because they LIKE to slip them on warm from the iron. Is that slack or simply a love of hot creases and warm pleating?
What drives us to do things? Do I mow my yard because my neighbors mowed theirs? Maybe. But I like the smell of fresh cut grass even if it makes me sneeze.
Is a sudden desire to do housework from the back of the house to the front that is motivated by the pronouncement that you are having guests less good than a the daily hours spent toiling for only yourself? I have no answers.
But I do know that some things are inviolable motivators for me.
The safety and well-being of family members.
The absolute comfort of knowing that I have done all I could do to try and teach the basics of survival to the next generation...?
All I know is that we seem to be slipping into a worldwide calamity where guilt and greed are being used as motivational talking points.
Neither works for very long because guilt only propels us so far before we give up in disgust. Greed only makes us lonely and sad in the long run because there isn't ever enough of the substance of life to make us happy in the way we think we should be.
Like the man who is spending 35 MILLION dollars to ride into space again. While he may have a temporary happiness, think of what that money could be applied to that could have eternal consequences - schools, libraries, hospitals, freshwater wells in third world countries, money for medical care to the hopeless and forgotten and the reward of endless smiles from generations who may never know his name but will never forget his kindness.
Oh well, just thinking via typing today...the dryer buzzer is calling me now. Time to motivate my buttocks off this chair and go fold some clothes.
March 23, 2009
March 21, 2009
The Value of a Life
I just read with great disgust an article from the London Times Online.
It seems that the medical establishment and the legal system has just decided that they know better than God Almighty who should live, who should die and whose life has value in society.
How kind.
The blasphemy of interposing their self-will against the will of God is appalling.
The case involves a seriously ill baby who deserved the right to have all the help he could have had to support his life until God chose to bring him home.
Instead, the talking heads have now decided they can determine how to value a life and have the right to remove life when it is inconvenient or expensive.
We could all be next.
Although I understand that money is expended, there is also a great deal of personal greed in the world that works only to the benefit of the one. Because we as humans are not known for our personal philanthropy on a large scale, we tend to be more remembered for our self will and inherent selfishness, particularly when it comes to dealing with things, people, and circumstances that are uncomfortable.
How convenient we make things.
Responsibility is only allowed for things, people and circumstances that enrich whomever is 'large and in charge' for that moment.
Our world decries the killing of a spotted owl yet doesn't blink an eye at the massacre of millions of babies every year on the altar of convenience at the expense of personal integrity and responsibility.
I have known of many people who have found themselves faced with the daunting task of caring for, loving and providing a decent life for family members with significant and long term care issues. Instead of whining and pouting about their own convenience, they set an example of true Christ like behavior that I am desperately trying to emulate.
Although it would be 'easier' to say that life is valued based on what people do FOR us, the fact is that our lives mean NOTHING if we give or do nothing for others.
In the parable of the Good Samaritan, we read about how the actions of those who were given choice of how to care for someone who was greviously injured and in need of long term care was graded and judged by the Lord.
Those who were his countrymen shunned the responsibility because of their own sense of propriety, safety or convenience and allowed the one in need to continue to suffer and bleed and languish because they only valued life in selfish and personal terms. If the life meant nothing to them, then it must be worth nothing. So they withheld the very help that could have saved the wounded man and hurried along their way justifying their actions.
Then, along came the Samaritan who looked with pity and compassion on the circumstances of the wounded and needy man. The Samaritan didn't consider his purse, or indeed if the wounded man had a hidden coin after the robbers had done their worst to him, but instead bound up his wounds and administered the emergency relief that would allow him to get him into the city where he then provided for his future need with the promise to also pay the bill if the money he left with the innkeeper was expended fully yet care was still required.
What I am seeing now is a society bent on labeling, categorizing and determining who should be allowed to live and when people should be condemned to die for the convenience of the society.
It is no different than Hitler's final solution. It's no different than what is going on in Darfur. It is no different than what is going on in any place where the greed and evil of the Adversary is allowed to rule and reign. Once Satan convinces people that life is cheap, he also convinces people that others are expendible and worthless when they can't 'contribute' to society anymore.
Eventually, our time of being 'non-productive' will arrive and someone will take the decision upon themselves to pull our plug and let us breathe our last in order to 'save the plantet', 'save the spotted owl', 'save the rain forest' or whatever rallying cry is used to justify sin.
There is no amount of money that can replace a beating heart and a tiny soul that deserved to live a life of dignity even if that life's heartbeat is fleeting.
We all matter and the lessons of compassion we can learn from caring for those who need us most can make us more like The One who cared enough for us selfish and selfwilled children to take our sins upon his sinless Self and bleed out His last drop of blood in our behalf.
I have no doubt that those who have been killed for the convenience of those in power are welcomed into the loving embrace of the Savior who values us all no matter what our earthly health conditions have been.
Remember that when you are tempted to think that maybe the plug should be pulled on someone else. Eventually our time will come when someone will be at a crossroads in our behalf...
I leave you with this story:
The Old Grandfather and His Grandson
by: Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm
Once upon a time there was a very, very old man. His eyes had grown dim, his ears deaf, and his knees shook. When he sat at the table, he could scarcely hold a spoon. He spilled soup on the tablecloth, and, beside that, some of his soup would run back out of his mouth.
His son and his son's wife were disgusted with this, so finally they made the old grandfather sit in the corner behind the stove, where they gave him his food in an earthenware bowl, and not enough at that. He sat there looking sadly at the table, and his eyes grew moist. One day his shaking hands could not hold the bowl, and it fell to the ground and broke. The young woman scolded, but he said not a word. He only sobbed. Then for a few hellers they bought him a wooden bowl and made him eat from it.
Once when they were all sitting there, the little grandson of four years pushed some pieces of wood together on the floor.
"What are you making?" asked his father.
"Oh, I'm making a little trough for you and mother to eat from when I'm big."
The man and the woman looked at one another and then began to cry. They immediately brought the old grandfather to the table, and always let him eat there from then on. And if he spilled a little, they did not say a thing.
It seems that the medical establishment and the legal system has just decided that they know better than God Almighty who should live, who should die and whose life has value in society.
How kind.
The blasphemy of interposing their self-will against the will of God is appalling.
The case involves a seriously ill baby who deserved the right to have all the help he could have had to support his life until God chose to bring him home.
Instead, the talking heads have now decided they can determine how to value a life and have the right to remove life when it is inconvenient or expensive.
We could all be next.
Although I understand that money is expended, there is also a great deal of personal greed in the world that works only to the benefit of the one. Because we as humans are not known for our personal philanthropy on a large scale, we tend to be more remembered for our self will and inherent selfishness, particularly when it comes to dealing with things, people, and circumstances that are uncomfortable.
How convenient we make things.
Responsibility is only allowed for things, people and circumstances that enrich whomever is 'large and in charge' for that moment.
Our world decries the killing of a spotted owl yet doesn't blink an eye at the massacre of millions of babies every year on the altar of convenience at the expense of personal integrity and responsibility.
I have known of many people who have found themselves faced with the daunting task of caring for, loving and providing a decent life for family members with significant and long term care issues. Instead of whining and pouting about their own convenience, they set an example of true Christ like behavior that I am desperately trying to emulate.
Although it would be 'easier' to say that life is valued based on what people do FOR us, the fact is that our lives mean NOTHING if we give or do nothing for others.
In the parable of the Good Samaritan, we read about how the actions of those who were given choice of how to care for someone who was greviously injured and in need of long term care was graded and judged by the Lord.
Those who were his countrymen shunned the responsibility because of their own sense of propriety, safety or convenience and allowed the one in need to continue to suffer and bleed and languish because they only valued life in selfish and personal terms. If the life meant nothing to them, then it must be worth nothing. So they withheld the very help that could have saved the wounded man and hurried along their way justifying their actions.
Then, along came the Samaritan who looked with pity and compassion on the circumstances of the wounded and needy man. The Samaritan didn't consider his purse, or indeed if the wounded man had a hidden coin after the robbers had done their worst to him, but instead bound up his wounds and administered the emergency relief that would allow him to get him into the city where he then provided for his future need with the promise to also pay the bill if the money he left with the innkeeper was expended fully yet care was still required.
What I am seeing now is a society bent on labeling, categorizing and determining who should be allowed to live and when people should be condemned to die for the convenience of the society.
It is no different than Hitler's final solution. It's no different than what is going on in Darfur. It is no different than what is going on in any place where the greed and evil of the Adversary is allowed to rule and reign. Once Satan convinces people that life is cheap, he also convinces people that others are expendible and worthless when they can't 'contribute' to society anymore.
Eventually, our time of being 'non-productive' will arrive and someone will take the decision upon themselves to pull our plug and let us breathe our last in order to 'save the plantet', 'save the spotted owl', 'save the rain forest' or whatever rallying cry is used to justify sin.
There is no amount of money that can replace a beating heart and a tiny soul that deserved to live a life of dignity even if that life's heartbeat is fleeting.
We all matter and the lessons of compassion we can learn from caring for those who need us most can make us more like The One who cared enough for us selfish and selfwilled children to take our sins upon his sinless Self and bleed out His last drop of blood in our behalf.
I have no doubt that those who have been killed for the convenience of those in power are welcomed into the loving embrace of the Savior who values us all no matter what our earthly health conditions have been.
Remember that when you are tempted to think that maybe the plug should be pulled on someone else. Eventually our time will come when someone will be at a crossroads in our behalf...
I leave you with this story:
The Old Grandfather and His Grandson
by: Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm
Once upon a time there was a very, very old man. His eyes had grown dim, his ears deaf, and his knees shook. When he sat at the table, he could scarcely hold a spoon. He spilled soup on the tablecloth, and, beside that, some of his soup would run back out of his mouth.
His son and his son's wife were disgusted with this, so finally they made the old grandfather sit in the corner behind the stove, where they gave him his food in an earthenware bowl, and not enough at that. He sat there looking sadly at the table, and his eyes grew moist. One day his shaking hands could not hold the bowl, and it fell to the ground and broke. The young woman scolded, but he said not a word. He only sobbed. Then for a few hellers they bought him a wooden bowl and made him eat from it.
Once when they were all sitting there, the little grandson of four years pushed some pieces of wood together on the floor.
"What are you making?" asked his father.
"Oh, I'm making a little trough for you and mother to eat from when I'm big."
The man and the woman looked at one another and then began to cry. They immediately brought the old grandfather to the table, and always let him eat there from then on. And if he spilled a little, they did not say a thing.
March 18, 2009
Resting in the Hospital
After returning home triumphantly from a 15-day stint in the hospital, Jared is doing much better. Although there is a road ahead involving convalescence at home for quite some time, the fact that we are home is enough to make our dog dance and sing with joy.
Now, you might well remember the days when people used to 'check into the hospital for a rest'. I recall hearing older people say that when I was just a kid. Now that I am an adult, I think they were either kidding or hospitals have changed a great deal since then.
During Jared's tenure in the hospital, sleep was at a premium. Between the caregivers and nursing staff coming in to ensure the healing and maintain the wound for a very sick boy, there was a 24-hour hum of activity that would have rivaled the nearest beehive.
That level of sustained interest in his behalf is important to a critically needy patient. That is why we have trained professionals who can intervene in a crisis and help the body to begin the process of healing and repair.
But I have to tell you, it can take a toll on the participants, both the patient and those who only stand and wait.
I recall at another juncture when Jared was in the hospital following another major surgical procedure. The nurses would cheerfully perform their tasks at all hours of the day and night to ensure that our little man was doing well and keeping all of the important numbers critical to his improvement heading in the right direction.
We had been up and down so many times during the intervening nights, that not only were we seeing ourself coming and going, but we were beginning to talk to the passing selves as if it were a routine matter.
A chipper young nurse, who looked like a teenager in Snoopy scrubs, came in to collect a blood sample for the vampires in the lab. Flipping on the room's lights to apparently guide a 747 in for a landing near Jared's bed, she happily announced that she was there for a blood sample.
Only people who have 'enjoyed' their restful stay in a hospital will be able to appreciate this...
I groggily raised up from the chair/bed in the room and said, "Take his blood, take my blood, take all the blood in the room, but PLEASE do it quietly and turn OFF THE LIGHTS!"
She looked stunned as if the mode of her work had been assaulted.
After that, I noticed the other nurses didn't turn on the runway lights when they came in anymore. It didn't shorten his stay, but it made the night time a little less brilliantly lit.
This time, the room he was in following the latest procedure had been renovated to include special 'night time' lights. Less bright than the L-4 runway lights, it still allows the workers to do what they need to do without roasting the retinas of any unsuspecting patient or parent who might be trying to catch 40 winks between the incessant beeping of the pulse oximeter or the IV pump.
I honestly believe the IV pump Jared had this time was haunted. As soon as the nurses would set it up, get all required medicines flowing and leave the room, the tender beckoning beeping would begin. Trust me, had I known how to operate the myriad layers of instruction that are required for this pump, I would have silenced the beep.
As it was, that particular skill is best left to the professionals who know what to do without employing a baseball bat to accomplish it.
I cannot express the joy that accompanied the announcement that Jared no longer needed continuous IV's. It was like Christmas arriving early! Though he still had to maintain a line for the antibiotics, they were only given a couple of times a day.
The very last day in the hospital, one of the über-efficient nurses came in and saw that we were down to our last little sack of antibiotics and hooked up the lines to dribble the medicine in with a normal saline flush to accompany the medicine. She cheerfully commented that 'this will only take about 30 minutes or so to complete'.
The machine beeped for 29 of those minutes...
Thankfully we are home.
And though I was awakened several times during the night for phantom beeping that is most certainly a remnant of our haunting... we are home.
Thank God for hospitals when we need them and the caring people who make sure we can receive the help we need when we need it.
But thank God also for a quiet home where rest can happen. Because phantom beep or not, you just can't rest in a hospital - there are too dang many sick people and too much interruption to get any sleep at all.
Now, you might well remember the days when people used to 'check into the hospital for a rest'. I recall hearing older people say that when I was just a kid. Now that I am an adult, I think they were either kidding or hospitals have changed a great deal since then.
During Jared's tenure in the hospital, sleep was at a premium. Between the caregivers and nursing staff coming in to ensure the healing and maintain the wound for a very sick boy, there was a 24-hour hum of activity that would have rivaled the nearest beehive.
That level of sustained interest in his behalf is important to a critically needy patient. That is why we have trained professionals who can intervene in a crisis and help the body to begin the process of healing and repair.
But I have to tell you, it can take a toll on the participants, both the patient and those who only stand and wait.
I recall at another juncture when Jared was in the hospital following another major surgical procedure. The nurses would cheerfully perform their tasks at all hours of the day and night to ensure that our little man was doing well and keeping all of the important numbers critical to his improvement heading in the right direction.
We had been up and down so many times during the intervening nights, that not only were we seeing ourself coming and going, but we were beginning to talk to the passing selves as if it were a routine matter.
A chipper young nurse, who looked like a teenager in Snoopy scrubs, came in to collect a blood sample for the vampires in the lab. Flipping on the room's lights to apparently guide a 747 in for a landing near Jared's bed, she happily announced that she was there for a blood sample.
Only people who have 'enjoyed' their restful stay in a hospital will be able to appreciate this...
I groggily raised up from the chair/bed in the room and said, "Take his blood, take my blood, take all the blood in the room, but PLEASE do it quietly and turn OFF THE LIGHTS!"
She looked stunned as if the mode of her work had been assaulted.
After that, I noticed the other nurses didn't turn on the runway lights when they came in anymore. It didn't shorten his stay, but it made the night time a little less brilliantly lit.
This time, the room he was in following the latest procedure had been renovated to include special 'night time' lights. Less bright than the L-4 runway lights, it still allows the workers to do what they need to do without roasting the retinas of any unsuspecting patient or parent who might be trying to catch 40 winks between the incessant beeping of the pulse oximeter or the IV pump.
I honestly believe the IV pump Jared had this time was haunted. As soon as the nurses would set it up, get all required medicines flowing and leave the room, the tender beckoning beeping would begin. Trust me, had I known how to operate the myriad layers of instruction that are required for this pump, I would have silenced the beep.
As it was, that particular skill is best left to the professionals who know what to do without employing a baseball bat to accomplish it.
I cannot express the joy that accompanied the announcement that Jared no longer needed continuous IV's. It was like Christmas arriving early! Though he still had to maintain a line for the antibiotics, they were only given a couple of times a day.
The very last day in the hospital, one of the über-efficient nurses came in and saw that we were down to our last little sack of antibiotics and hooked up the lines to dribble the medicine in with a normal saline flush to accompany the medicine. She cheerfully commented that 'this will only take about 30 minutes or so to complete'.
The machine beeped for 29 of those minutes...
Thankfully we are home.
And though I was awakened several times during the night for phantom beeping that is most certainly a remnant of our haunting... we are home.
Thank God for hospitals when we need them and the caring people who make sure we can receive the help we need when we need it.
But thank God also for a quiet home where rest can happen. Because phantom beep or not, you just can't rest in a hospital - there are too dang many sick people and too much interruption to get any sleep at all.
March 7, 2009
Starter Marriages
For the life of me, I cannot understand the concept of a 'starter marriage'.
Marriage is about making vows, committments and covenants with each other in a love that can last forever based upon our choices.
It isn't about a trial run until things get hard.
News flash to all the newly minted married couples in the world - LIFE GETS HARD.
Now that we have cleared up your misconceptions about what to expect, let's attack some marriage myths.
"I'll always feel the same way about you."
Let's hope not! If the budding feelings of love and desire never get beyond a bud, they are unlikely to weather the chilling frost that happens when you discover that life isn't magazine perfect and that sometimes your love isn't all that was advertised.
"This is all I've ever wanted."
That's right - aim low. If your aspirations as a couple and potential family never get beyond this moment, selfishness and petty behavior sets in. Be willing to want MORE - for yourself: want to be more than the person you are today. LEARN! Expand your mind and heart to open up to the opportunities you have that can bless the lives of your spouse and everyone whom you can shower some care upon.
"Nothing could be better than this."
Welcome to the world of vanilla. If 31 flavors was a starting point for Baskin Robbins, what makes you think your marriage can't have it's own flavors over time? As you grow and your love for each other deepens, the vanilla can be changed into a rainbow of colors, flavors and delight in a growing and changing relationship that can be endless - if you are willing to CHOOSE for it to become so.
I am quite sure there are thousands of marriage myths out there. But I am equally sure there are thousands of marriages that work because the spouses choose to work at it and fine tune it in order to keep the love, the relationship and the feelings alive.
Enough babbling for today... but remember this - if all you ever do is approach life like you are creating a "starter" for your loaf of life's bread - there will never be a loaf - all you will have done is just started to work - real bread and real marriage both take time, effort and a willingess to let the growth occur for the finished product.
Marriage is about making vows, committments and covenants with each other in a love that can last forever based upon our choices.
It isn't about a trial run until things get hard.
News flash to all the newly minted married couples in the world - LIFE GETS HARD.
Now that we have cleared up your misconceptions about what to expect, let's attack some marriage myths.
"I'll always feel the same way about you."
Let's hope not! If the budding feelings of love and desire never get beyond a bud, they are unlikely to weather the chilling frost that happens when you discover that life isn't magazine perfect and that sometimes your love isn't all that was advertised.
"This is all I've ever wanted."
That's right - aim low. If your aspirations as a couple and potential family never get beyond this moment, selfishness and petty behavior sets in. Be willing to want MORE - for yourself: want to be more than the person you are today. LEARN! Expand your mind and heart to open up to the opportunities you have that can bless the lives of your spouse and everyone whom you can shower some care upon.
"Nothing could be better than this."
Welcome to the world of vanilla. If 31 flavors was a starting point for Baskin Robbins, what makes you think your marriage can't have it's own flavors over time? As you grow and your love for each other deepens, the vanilla can be changed into a rainbow of colors, flavors and delight in a growing and changing relationship that can be endless - if you are willing to CHOOSE for it to become so.
I am quite sure there are thousands of marriage myths out there. But I am equally sure there are thousands of marriages that work because the spouses choose to work at it and fine tune it in order to keep the love, the relationship and the feelings alive.
Enough babbling for today... but remember this - if all you ever do is approach life like you are creating a "starter" for your loaf of life's bread - there will never be a loaf - all you will have done is just started to work - real bread and real marriage both take time, effort and a willingess to let the growth occur for the finished product.
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