Laughing Through the Tears

As per my usual, I went over to see Daddy after Jared got off on the bus to school and Rick was off to take a final exam.

Daddy was confused about circumstances but knew what he did and didn't want. And he wanted a sump pump.

In his mind there was an acid spill that needed cleaning. I'm sure at one point in his business career at the plant there must have been such an occurrence that had to be dealt with and handled with dispatch and caution.

But today, the "acid spill" was apparently in his room and had something to do with urine flow in his Foley tube. He was certain that we needed to adjust the tubes, attach a sump pump, create a system of reservoirs to catch and contain all the acid to be diluted then washed away.

Chris, the tech who works with him, patiently explained that he was going to "handle it all when he got him up into a chair". Daddy seemed to be placated by that much more than by anything I had tried to do for him for the hour previously.

Yesterday, the nurse came in while Daddy was having PT and was asking me about food Daddy likes so they could help him increase his nutritional intake. At this point, Daddy's eating habits are pretty much catch as catch can with it being mostly catching only a little bit.

So as he was in progress of having PT, the nurse comes up to me and was asking what kinds of things Daddy liked to eat. I told her "Bacon and ice cream." She laughed and said, "No, really." And I said, "Yes, really."

So when a break in the PT came, she leaned in close and asked Daddy what he liked to eat.

He smiled with his eyes closed and said "Bacon... and ice cream!"

She looked dumbfounded and I about slid out of my chair laughing.

These little forays into the mix and match moments of past reality, current circumstance and dementia make me feel both sad for what is no longer possible and sometimes filled with laughter over the little oddities that happen in the interactions that just don't seem to make sense to Daddy anymore.

While some things are funny, other times tears are too close to the surface to stem their tide. Late in the afternoon yesterday, one of my friends shared a video that covers it all very neatly. It is a truly emotional little movie that made everything come full circle for me. A Letter From Mom and Dad 

I hope that it will put things into perspective for any who view it.

God bless. Laugh when you can, cry when you should and remember that those frail hands need your strong ones to lift and support them now.

Intense Spring Fever

This winter and its prolonged attachment to the Tennessee Valley has left me shell shocked.

I am SICK of cold and the aches that the cold weather brings.

Still in recovery mode from my car accident last March, I am anxious to start walking outside again without every step hurting me. I am anxious to bark back at the dogs of the neighborhood, to smell the fresh cut grass that makes me sneeze, to see the daffodils, the jonquils, the buttercups and the tulips waving merrily in the breezes and to do all things in a renewed fashion.

But it hasn't happened yet.

Truly, I do not know how people who live in colder climes manage to survive the emotional toll of winter for month after month after month!! It is just not a comfortable feeling at all!

I can understand skiing, ice skating, tobogganing, riding in a one horse open sleigh and all that jazz. But when you are done you get to go back to someplace warm and regale everyone with your adventures in the snow.

Living in it for a few years was enough to convince me that I'm not made of stern enough stuff to make cold weather my permanent home. I must have thin blood, although to be fair, I'm not sure thick blood would really help since it would coagulate quicker in the cold. I'm thinking a cold and frozen me isn't a real bargain for whomever has to deal with the iceberg-like spectacle of my corpse.

All I know is that I am ready to see some temperatures in the 70's, some sunshine that soaks to the bone with warmth and happiness, and some days that don't freeze me to death.

Meantime, enjoy this. I know I did.

Winter Revenge

You're a hypocrite, I'm a hypocrite, we're all hypocrites

While reading some status updates on Facebook today, I found myself frankly disturbed - AGAIN - by the diatribe launched by a friend against Christians who don't measure up to her invisible yardstick of perfection and who will never suit her needs because they don't intuitively know what they are and rush to meet them.

I am heartsick for her and because of her.

Yes, we live in a troubled world and yes, people do make lots of mistakes in dealing with one another. Some of those mistakes are errors of commission, meaning that a willful act whether mean-spirited or misdirected was committed causing offense. Some of those mistakes are errors of omission, meaning that something good that should have been done was NOT done, leaving the person in need feeling like they are unloved and uncared for within the body of Christ.

I am going to go on record here and say something that will offend. CRAP HAPPENS. Get over yourself because YOU aren't perfect and NEITHER IS ANYONE ELSE!

We mere mortals can hope and pray and strive for perfection, but we will NOT achieve it in our lifetime. We come most near that ideal of perfection when we allow the Holy Spirit to guide us toward Godly and Christlike choices in our interactions with one another.

Even then, having done ALL you can do to make an encounter positive, you have ZERO CONTROL over how your action or lack thereof will be received or ignored or blown up in your face. That is all on the other person and their fullness or lack of grace.

I was so upset, I shared some of my thoughts on the matter and realized after I hit "send" that they were going to be largely ignored because the person in question LOVES TO MARINATE IN MISERY. Doing so means that she is hoping for the sympathy vote that mortal man seeks to create what is demonstrably a flawed mortal construct to replace the pure love of Christ.

This is what I shared:

If we each spent as much time, effort and energy becoming the people we desire OTHERS to become, there would be a positive change that would spread abroad. Asking ourselves honestly if we have ever been guilty of any of the duplicity and hypocrisy we decry in others is a good starting point.

We tend to minimize our own faults and flaws protecting ourselves from the truth of our fallen natures while loudly trumpeting how "we have been failed by those who should have known better" without giving a moment's thought to the pain we have inflicted on tender souls who expected far better from OUR conduct and choices.

We are ALL works in progress and the process of being sanctified by the atoning blood of Christ is an eternal pursuit, not one governed by the construct of man's timing.
Our world is waxing cold in feeling towards one another and hardening of the heart is a real malady that affects our encounters with each other in a most painful way.

Like the prodigals we ALL are, we want to be received and taken care of even in reduced circumstances just so we won't have to truly deal with who WE have become. And like the prodigals we all are who see the fallen in others, we are angry that our supposed righteousness hasn't been shouted from the housetops as an unblemished example of the purity everyone should rightfully aspire to develop.

In both cases, pride has ruled our will and we have forgotten the mercy that has tempered the justice we all so very richly deserve.

I'd love to say that I have always managed to treat everyone around me so tenderly and in such a Christlike manner that their lives have been miraculously altered for the good.

That would be a gross LIE.

I have trampled tender feelings unintentionally - and, truth be told, sometimes very INTENTIONALLY.

I have said unkind things without realizing they were unkind and I have said unkind things that were most certainly not intended in the way in which they were received.

I have not cared for the sheep when they had strayed from the flock and at times through my careless performance as an "under-shepherd", I have made them run further into the wilderness of sin.

But guess what? I've been the recipient of all of those behaviors directed to me or assumed by me to be aimed at me.

In all cases, it isn't what happens that is important. It is how we react to what happens that matters.

Jesus Christ showed us that. Even as he was bleeding and dying on the cross hanging between two thieves, Jesus Christ showed mercy. MERCY - while he was in the act of paying for the very sins that put these men on their crosses of pain.

Jesus Christ never returned railing for railing, never spat back at those who coated Him in their foul and disgusting expectorations, and there was never a time in which He reviled those who mocked, accused and reviled Him.

Yet we - who claim arrogantly to be examples of a Christlike walk - do all of the above literally and figuratively.

The world turns by God's will and pleasure, not ours. And the Atonement of Christ was a gift given to us all even though God and Jesus knew and still know full well that we cannot possibly buy into the gift given to us in any measure but by offering our hearts and spirits unto Him.

Those same broken, trampled, carelessly used, bruised, battered and wounded hearts that we want to attempt to heal on our own are the very hearts we need to offer to Christ.

Our contrite spirit recognizes that for every measure of mortality we would desire to have excused in ourselves, we need The Good Shepherd to not only rescue us from ourselves, but from the world that will only use our failings to further harm us in our efforts to get the very help we so desperately need. We need to be rescued from our selfish desires and actions and the only way is by Christ's Atonement in our behalf.

When we make our life all about "me", we have lost the focus and purpose for why we are here. We are here to do and grow and develop most certainly, but without a Christ-centric focus that sees others before self, we will be only a shell without substance or use.

I am truly sorry for those hurts I have caused and for those times that I have been a poor example, and been a reflection of myself and all that is not of Christ.

But more, I am sorry for those times that my own myopic focus has allowed me to wallow in what was not done for me instead of a broader focus bringing me more to realize what I should and could do to have helped other people.

God forgive us all when we whine for we truly do not understand what we are doing. Help us all to see aright and to make the necessary course corrections to bring us home to Thee.

Observations for today

When making a late night peanut butter and jelly sandwich, make sure you grab the correct container. Strawberry jelly = good.
Ketchup = nasty.

Check the contents of the toilet paper roll BEFORE you are comfortably taking care of business. This is particularly so when you are the only one in the house and no one will hear you screaming for "another roll".

Make sure the air freshener's spray nozzle is pointed AWAY from you before you depress the button.

And finally, make sure your bathrobe actually makes it into the dryer after washing it because wandering around in your altogether is a guarantee that someone will "drop by" to visit you in your scantily clad condition.

I hope these have been helpful to you...