Lack of sleep combined with some unusual information in the Yahoo Sports headlines got my mind wandering in unfamiliar pastures. From time to time, I would attempt to nap between phone calls and check the headlines since we are getting real time results BEFORE the nightly broadcasts of the Olympic events.
While I am not a complete lunatic when it comes to understanding sports terminology, some are just odd and Olympic curling is one of them. My apologies to all those people who have curling patches, pitches, rinks or whatever the heck it is they call them in their basements.
In my congested, medicated and slightly dopey state, I read a bit of an online headline that said boldly: "Olympic Curling: The Sport Played With Brooms". I immediately flashed mentally to my sister Kari's hair salon.
Graceful imagery of long flowing hair being hot rolled, pinned and tucked and other women's hair being carefully curled into perfection with a gleaming golden curling iron passed through my view. I saw them sweeping up trimmings and clippings of hair with wide push brooms as they leaped through the air twirling around the handles as perfectly wound as the sections of hair had encircled the hot rollers and curling irons.
Pleasant music accompanied the spectacle and I could see in my minds' eye a stylist standing atop each of the three sections of the medal platform as national flags were raised on high. "The Bronze Medal for Curling... Hair ....goes to Finland!" Polite applause fills the area around the medal stand.
"The Silver Medal goes to Lithuania!" Again the polite applause lets the cosmetologist know her efforts have been recognized.
"And the GOLD MEDAL FOR CURLING HAIR goes to AMERICA AND KARI'S PLACE FOR HAIR!" Thunderous applause and a jet flyover through a fireworks burst fill the arena which suddenly has an open air feel. The combined high school bands from every school in our county strike up the National Anthem and the Junior ROTC from AHS raises the American flag just a few notches higher.
As the bouquet of flowers is placed into her arms and a gleaming golden medal is hung on its Olympic Ribbon around her neck, tears of joy are accompanying her 'Queen wave'. Kari sings along boldly, if tearfully, and the crowd is so moved they all sing the National Anthem even if it isn't their own nation's song.
Then the phone rang and it was some crappy bill collector who had called the wrong number.
The Olympic fantasy was over. But it made me wonder, why ISN'T there an Olympic Curling event for real?
I can do my hair for basic stuff, but when it really matters, I go to the 'PRO'. I know my limitations. And Kari knows my hair. Between what I think I know how to do and what she can create from split-ended mess I normally stuff under a baseball cap, something truly Olympian occurs.
I walk in like everyone's buddy and leave looking like the belle of the ball. A veritable sow's ear turned into, for a brief moment at least, a silk purse. If that doesn't deserve an Olympic moment, not much else does.
Oh yeah, and the real Olympic curling? It's some stupid thingy about throwing some kind of polished rocks on the ice while someone else is keeping it moving with a broom or some crap like that. And who looks good after they heave rocks for distance in the cold? No one!
Keep the name. Change the event.
I can see the buildup now... This year, this time, this style! Olympic Curling... keep those rollers hot, folks... This is an Olympic year!
