Who's Fault is it Anyway?

With our own recent job uncertainty and the continued inflation of the basic necessities of life, I have pondered over the income and outgo of the money in our life.

In absolute assurance that the next few statements I make are absolutely true, I offer up this insight.

I have made mistakes with money. I have made poor choices that have resulted in hefty fees, interest and penalty. And because of those mistakes, worthier monetary goals have suffered because the greed/need of the moment took over. I take the blame.

For that alone, I may well constitute the beginning of a new minority class. The class of people who are willing to own up to financial stupidity, financial risk and financial embarrassment from time to time.

This isn't to say we are running hard and fast to the poorhouse, but it is at least a truth that there are times we have, individually and as a couple, at least skipped down the path toward financial disaster.

I find myself angered that there are so many people willing to blame financial problems on 'other people' without any regard for the realities that they are also willing to hide behind vagaries.

When you make X number of dollars a year and take out a mortgage of XXXXXX dollars and have no real way to even make a minimum payment on the mortgage - double stupidity comes into play.

The lender who ALLOWED you to take out the money is a fool. They should know that a tiny salary will NEVER pay off a McMansion.

You, who went to borrow it, are also a fool. To allow greed and a sense of 'entitlement' to overwhelm financial truth is the road to ruin at light speed. And sadly, it doesn't just ruin you personally.

The financial institution and other borrowers are now compelled to help cover your stupidity.

Let it be said that the unexpected happens. Sickness, accidents, job loss, sudden death all remove money from the family coffers. Sometimes effectual planning and preparation are wiped out leaving the once able to become the now disabled. Life has a way of showing up on everyone's doorstep.

But the expected also happens.

When you contract to take on payments of any kind, you know how much money you can afford to pay under normal, expected circumstances.

And like Daddy has always told me: "Them that don't understands interest pays it. And them that do understands interest, earns it."

That's fact.

When we borrow money, we are agreeing to repay not only the principle amount of money that was lent to us, but a usury fee for having borrowed from another who had the resource we lacked. In essence, we pay a premium for having to borrow.

So, in fairness, we give back what we borrowed plus interest to get what we need, what we want and what we simply desire through the eyes of green-eyed jealous hearted greed. It's the same old story from time immemorial - 'my neighbor has it, so I have to have one, too'.

The truth is, we don't.

We can do with less, do without, use it up and not throw it out because it's last year's model.

It's something we practiced in our early married life that we got away from. Now, from necessity, we are revisiting that truth.

Living BELOW our means is the new goal.

And no one is to blame for the financial entanglements we have allowed ourselves to enter. NO ONE.

The bank didn't hold us at gunpoint and compel us by force to take their money. We went, hat in hand, to them. We said we could pay it back.

Sure, they have the responsibility to tell us "NO" when our income is not sufficient to pay back even a percentage of the debt we contracted with them.

But what if they don't?

Does it make them the wolf in sheep's clothing or does it just make us bigger dupes to believe consequences are never for us?

That is a level of chutzpah that would astonish even the boldest among us. To shamelessly look into the eyes of fate and say "No thanks! I'll pass!"... you have to be kidding.

So the financial crisis is upon us all now. Whether we borrowed or lent, whether we repaid in good faith or defaulted on our loan -- the new truth is that now everyone is on the hook for 'their brother'. Talk about a brother's keeper scenario that makes us all blanch from the responsibility!

While I don't want to sign up for more debt, we already have.

Every time we go to the store, we pay more for goods because someone has loans outstanding that must be repaid.

We can't fill up our tanks with gas without helping fund those who can't pay for their own.

Interest rises to cover operating costs because borrowers default rather than paying what they contracted to pay. So we all get to bear the loss.

Yes, unforeseen circumstances happen.

Yes, jobs are lost and income disappears.

Yes, people sicken and die and bills replace their presence.

But I wonder if it would be less financially painful if we were willing to all live below our means? To say no to the greed and the want for 'stuff' and be content with having our needs met? To save for the rainy day and leave the money there even when the rain comes?

Fault is an ugly word that should be 4-letters.

But something worse for most people to swallow is another 5-letter word and that is "truth". And the truth is, this mess is of our making.

We have taken in and believed the lie of conspicuous consumerism. Like a fish on the hook, we have taken the bait and now are fighting for our literal lives hoping to escape with only a small wound instead of being consumed by our shortsighted choices. By truth I am compelled to say that fishermen are more successful than the fish.

But by compassion, I am also compelled to say that the fish that gets away doesn't do so unscathed by the encounter. The issue isn't the encounter. It is whether the fish can learn to be content with the offering provided by the pond or the lake.

And if not, the fish will be doomed, in the due course of time, to be consumed by the "I want it now" snatching of the bait.

The question is not who is dangling the bait. The question is are we smart enough to resist it, no matter how attractive and shiny and new it appears to be. Are we smart enough to say "I may be 'entitled' to the bait, but I can't afford what's on the other end of the fishing pole"?

I hope so.

Because I fear that there isn't much time left for blaming someone else for our own reckless choices.

P.S. Rick starts his “new” new job tomorrow working with computers and technology for the same company Pete is employed with and it looks to be a true winner. God opens the door through Pete and a priesthood blessing that Daddy was voice to, and we walked through it. It can prove to be a huge difference for our family in the long run.

Potty Training and Other Mishaps

Thankfully, I am not currently potty training anyone or anything.

I well remember the days of carrying a set of spare clothing "just in case". That isn't a bad thing, it's just part of the merry-go-round of reality when someone you love is learning that they can take themselves to the potty.

The real reason for writing this is some of the hilarious potty mishaps I have heard over the years from friends and family who have endured and and now smile over the accomplishments of children who have now learned where the bathroom is, both at home and as they travel.

With that in mind, here are a few stories I hope you will find as amusing as I have:

#1

A woman who's son was recently starting to potty train had taken her kids to the pool for a sanity break. The other children happily swam, splashed and dove into the water to give her a much needed respite from the daily grind. Soon, however, her pleasant little reverie was shattered in spectacular fashion. Her newly potty trained son whispered to her that he 'had to go potty' for the hundredth time. She was feeling somewhat uncomfortable to be seen in her old bathing suit out of the water, so she quietly and nonchalantly told him to "just go in the pool".

Figuring that the chlorine, which was nearly burning a hole in her old suit and which was also burning her eyes was sufficient to the task, she assumed that it wouldn't do much damage since her son would only pee about a few tablespoons anyway.

Unfortunately, what she thought and what he thought were two wildly different things. To her horror, this intrepid and exhausted Mom turned around to find her son standing at the edge of the pool with his swimming trunks pulled down around his ankles peeing into the pool like a Greek fountain in front of the world.

Yelling at him in a panic, she told him to stop and he pouted back, “But you told me to just go in the pool, Mommy!” 

Yet another living example of how we should choose our words very carefully... kids take things so dang literally!

#2

Bearing in mind that hastily tossed out words have unintended consequences, this tale comes from another frazzled Mom who was just trying to make it through the day: After a very long day running errands, this Mom was over-tired and truly eager to get home.

Her newly potty trained daughter started whining from her car seat that she needed to 'go potty'. Exhausted and close to home, this intrepid Mother just urged her to "try and hold it" mustering up all the patience she had left.

Finding herself to actually be surprised that her little girl had ceased complaining until they got home, this Mom was in for the surprise of her life. When she went to unbuckle the car seat to get her little girl out of the car, her daughter held out her urine-filled hands that were cupped together like she was preparing to take water from a pond singing, “Look, Mommy, look! I hold it, Mommy, I hold it!”

#3

Some kids are just a pain to train. They almost seem to enjoy wearing diapers eventually Pull-Ups®. One mother tried everything she knew and then some to get her son to use the toilet.

About 5 months into her son's potty training journey, they were invited to go camping with another family. Their reserved spot was quite a ways from the campsite bathrooms.

The friends who had invited them to camp had a child that was just a bit older than their potty training son. When he asked to go to the restroom, his parents told him to "go find a tree".

The Mom who's child who was 5 months into potty training watched with great curiosity as his friend found a tree a few yards away from our site, unzipped his jeans and 'let it fly'. A few minutes later her son, observing this male camping ritual, walked over to a tree and did the same thing.

Yeah! His Mom was SO excited! Maybe this was what he needed: another kiddo about his age as an example! He stayed dry the entire weekend and his Mom was certain that they were on the right path.

We they returned home on Sunday evening, Mom dutifully led him up the stairs to our bathroom so that he could go and he looked at her like she was just plain nuts.

Needless to say, Mom was confused and asked him what the problem was. He simply refused to go.

Mom and Dad just chalked it up to him being over-tired, and bathed him and put him to bed. The next morning he got up and came downstairs for breakfast. Mom kissed him on the head and asked if he "needed to go potty".

Saying "Yes", he walked to the kitchen's sliding door, opened it and went outside.

Curious, Mom watched from the window as he calmly walked into the grass and then pee'd on the tree in the middle of the back yard. Mom said, "People will never know how many days it took to convince that child to pee inside the house IN the toilet!"

Apparently he enjoyed, "Watering the trees."


Parents, grandparents and caregivers have employed all kinds of gimmicks and gadgets to get kids to potty in the toilet.

Cheerios for target practice, M&M's and fancy undies, sticker charts and prizes, outright bribery in cash... all in the name of getting rid of the diaper before your child turns 16...

It's all part of the fun of loving a child.