According to most civic ordinances, spitting is a punishable offense.
Do any of them take into account the fact that my 18 year old van has NO air conditioning?
Yeah, I didn't think so.
See, when you have no A/C in your car, you have to roll with the windows down in order to keep from marinating in your own juices just to keep up appearances in traffic. That is simply something I'm not willing to do. And other than when I pass by a squashed skunk on the road, I keep the windows down so we get a semblance of a breeze through the car.
The other day, I was minding my own business. I do that from time to time... really.
As I was going through the various hills and dales on my appointed route for the day, I ran into an area near a creek that was apparently the breeding ground for every single gnat in the county. EVERY SINGLE ONE.
The gnats needed a ride. That is the only possible explanation for them all piling into the van and subsequently into my mouth.
Gnats do not taste good.
To those drivers who may have been offended by the spit flying from my windows, I apologize. But I had NO CHOICE. It was either spit them out or throw up all over the interior of the van, which I can assure you would not help it smell any better nor would it be easy to clean up.
So, given the two options, I spit. And I spit again. And I spit some more.
I think I was spitting gnat parts out for the rest of the afternoon.
Just the thought of it makes me want to... well... SPIT.
To all those who write the city ordinances, I implore you to consider that there may well be some circumstances that require spitting.
Like driving an ancient van around filled with gnats.
Please don't judge me harshly as I was EXTREMELY careful to ensure that I didn't spit on pedestrians, passing cars, or street signs.
By the time I finally made it home, I was so glad to get out of the "gnatmobile" that I rinsed and gargled with mouthwash. Even a tepid rinse of something NOT gnat flavored was better than the thoughts of those little insects awash in my saliva and sneaking in from the van to becoming part of my home life.
For the record, some DID sneak inside. We have tried to kill them. They are dodgy, sneaky and downright diabolical in their ability to escape being smacked to death. Thankfully, they are dying off as their lifespan isn't very long.
Next time you need a ride and I am doing the driving, please be kind. It's the only vehicle I have and enjoying nature INSIDE is just part of the ride.
