Is it ever going to be possible for me to attend the temple without it turning into an episode of "As the World Turns"?
Sometimes I swear my life is not my own... it's just a skin I slip into in order to experience a form of holographic reality. I'm probably in a coma on a distant planet with tubes and wires hooked up to me enjoying my 'life' via some kind of video interface to my brain.
Just call me Borg.
The weathermen were all in league with the devil trying to keep me from getting out with Beth to attend the temple. Forecasts of dire snow, ice, sleet and every other type of wintry precipitation threatened to derail the trip. Schools were being delayed or cancelled before the first flake or frozen drop left the skies.
Jared can't be left alone with Gypsy at the house!! Neither are trustworthy and both would blame the other for the raucous party that would take place in my absence should school be cancelled and I decide to forge ahead with my own plans.
Of course, I'm kidding, but I never underestimate the mental machinations of an 18-year old and a wicked hound.
The drive up to the temple was a bit slower than normal due to the winter weather non-event, but caution is always welcome on these trips. Don't want to make any trip to the temple a detour to the mortuary even if my hair and makeup looked good. There were enough slick spots on the road to ensure that Beth drove below the posted speed limit most of the way up.
When we arrived at the temple, we were informed that the prayer meeting for the ordinance workers was still in progress and that the patrons weren't being ushered in quite yet. We went to the waiting room antechamber to enjoy the warmth.
Winter isn't fun anymore for me. The cold and wet weather just makes me ache like a 90 year old granny. I remember when winter was snowballs and sledding and fun. Not so much anymore. In the cold, old bones don't break... they shatter.
Finally, it was time to go and get changed into ceremonial clothing and prepare for our temple day. Just as I was in the locker room cubicle beginning the process, my cell phone rang. Yep.
A definite no-no to have a live phone in the temple.
You can't smother a ring tone. Fumbling for any way to shut off the ringer, I realize with a certain level of horror that I also have absolutely no clue how to turn the phone off because it's new.
Sure that the door to my cubicle will be pounded down in mere seconds, I did the next best thing. Standing there panicking, I flipped the phone over and popped the cover off and removed the battery.
Let's see you ring NOW, you technological Chinese finger trap!!
I may be a redneck hick little girl from a jerkwater part of the state in a jerkwater part of the country, but I can remove the battery from just about any device. So there!! I am skilled... just not very.
When the day was concluded inside the now quiet walls of the temple, Beth and I made our escape to find our favorite 5-star restaurant.
There was a Subway closer to our jumping off point than we realized so Beth decided we should give them a try at our patronage. We split a foot long turkey sub, which seemed to mystify the gal behind the counter. I found that hilarious because technically, we would have split it ANYWAY had we both chosen to get the 6 inch turkey sub.
Last time I checked, and admittedly my math may be rusty, 6 inches plus 6 inches equals 12 inches which averages out to a foot long sub, more or less.
For the counter chick, it was all about making money, for us, it was about saving some. While Beth was loading up the sandwich with food, I went to get drinks for us in the convenience store portion of the shop.
We laughed and talked and discussed the relative merits of scratch off cards and vague promises of winning the jackpot.
It was a 'dessert' kind of day and we got three cookies to share. There was a simply delightful raspberry cheesecake cookie, a crispy and tender oatmeal raisin and, of course, a chocolate chip cookie. Mighty tasty! Mmmmm!
I put my phone back together and called Kari, who was the earlier in-the-temple-cubicle-caller. It was just what I figured, she wanted to check on Mom Merrill's condition, but I didn't have any news to share.
Unfortunately, Mom Merrill had fallen and broken her hip and was going to have surgery to place rods and pins to secure the bones. Zero fun. I put her name in the Birmingham and Nashville temple's respective prayer circles and also spent time praying for her, for Dad Merrill and all the family in this time of medical concern.
On our return trip, I found out that Beth is also still a technology redneck as the microphone portion of her cell phone no longer functions and she is required to text message whomever calls her rather than making any voice calls.
Should make it hard to get bail...
Not that that sort of thing crops up for decent people.
But I don't recall indicating that we were decent people...
So there you have it.
A cold day filled with technological mayhem and redneck know-how. If it don't work like the manufacturer intended, then make it work your way.
I'm sure T-Mobile and AT&T would LOVE to have us as their spokeswomen.
Can you hear me now???
Yeah, but we don't want to listen to your message. It doesn't sell a lot of products to advertise the alternate ways you are compelled to use the phone when you are too stupid to turn off the ring tone or forced to text everyone because the model phone you have isn't made anymore and you don't want to learn how to use a different one.
Y'all take care... and if you see us on the highway, steer clear. It's probably safer for all concerned.
