Puppy sitting or sitting on puppies

We have in residence for a few days a rambunctious puppy named Alex.

He is a cute little furball who thinks that we are chew toys and personal servants.

Due to his visit, Gypsy is once again polishing up  her best teeth and offering up her finest holiday growls to this tiny interloper who thinks everything is his and  his alone. Gypsy is educating  him otherwise.

New to the world, this little dude has been treated like a furry sultan. Due to injury to his leg and pelvis, he was shunted away to the animal  hospital at the hands of Beth, who has ensured he received proper treatment for his injuries. Concern for his healing and care has prompted the miniscule mutt to be in residence at the Merrill Mutt Motel.

Alex is learning to do his potty chores outdoors. We've had a few accidents on the way to potty training, but that is normal with a puppy just like with a kid. The only difference is that generally there isn't a lot of additional laundry in the attempt until the mangy mutt pees on my slippers. Not cool, Alex, not cool at all!!

Alex has developed a taste (pun intended) for cooking shows on PBS. He cocks his head from side to side trying to discern what the various chefs are attempting to prepare. He sometimes barks at the screen. I believe this to be his way of saying "HEY!! Don't put booze on that steak!" I wholeheartedly share his sentiment.

Alex has also learned that the radio is not some sort of mutant life form. The first day or two, he wasn't too sure about that as he glared at the radio with a jaundiced eye, wary of where those tiny music producing Christmas violins might be hiding.  

The other night, we discovered he had left a "holiday gift" beneath Jared's bed. The aroma was sufficient to lead  us right to the unwrapped present. Alex  had the nerve to smile and laugh his puppy laugh about it.

While I have received some "interesting" gifts during the Christmas season, I can  honestly say this is the first time I wanted to give one back. Well played, Alex, well played.

I'm sure in his tiny evil puppy heart, he was planning on blaming the mess on Jared... or Gypsy. But wise to the ways of wicked pups, Gypsy quickly refused the blame and barked directly on Alex' head.

Out to the pen in the yard to finish emptying the "poop valve" which is apparently attached to a secretly enclose 10 gallon tank, you would have thought we were beating Alex with all the pitiful howling and barking he was doing. The neighbors even came over to see what the ruckus was. Bad dog!

Once they saw Prince Pig in the pen doing  his best "feel sorry for me" impression, they were as unmoved as we were. No one let him  out until his potty chores were complete - for the moment.

Gypsy has been pretty good shepherding Alex around. He now knows that the door out to the back yard is the "potty door". Easily navigating the steps up and down, he is able to go out without us having to carry him like a sack of spaghetti.

What is it about children and dogs??? You pick their formerly solid frame up to relieve the "potty dance" before disaster strikes (generally after a bit of trickling has begun!) and suddenly they are like a Ziplock of Jell-O that no longer  has either bones or the will to move on their own!!

The other day, as Gypsy had decided she had been patient enough with Alex chewing on her and barking and attacking her, she simply sat on him... and smiled. It was like "kid, you bother me". Hilarious! Reminded me of when Nana was guesting in our home and was learning the ropes from the old hand, er, uh, make that old paw.

Right now, the house is deceptively quiet.

Both hounds are sleeping.

It won't last.

Soon, the pizza guy will show up at the nursing home across the street and the revelry will begin. Gypsy HATES the pizza guy. His truck has an annoying whine that must hurt her ears. Plus, he never even offers her so much as a crust from the pizzas.

Then, when the barking starts, Alex will attempt to show you just how big and bad he is. Tiny mouth screwed up into the perfect little "O" he will bark and howl  his bad to the bone self into exhaustion.

Always funny to watch.

Back to the chores of the day. Best let sleeping dogs lie.  They won't be there long.

Depends on circumstances

While talking with my friend Sophie about the weird stuff that graces the shelves each holiday season, we got to the theater of the absurd moment.

She was at a store and some woman had on a shirt boldly emblazoned with the following "Sometimes I laugh so hard I have tears running down my leg!"   The implication is that one has managed to pee a bit while laughing and since that is a malady that affects a lot of folks, I can't imagine advertising it. However we all know that there are those kinds of persons who would advertise other bodily function if given less than half a chance.

Of course, if you worked for the Depends company, that might be considered a worthy slogan for product sales. They could give away free t-shirts with every few packs purchased.


Since the folks at Depends have come out with their recent line of colored and patterned briefs for incontinence to make people feel less conspicuous by wearing something that is alleged to be fashionable, I'm quite sure other innovations are coming.

For years, they've had a 'wetness indicator' to help caregivers assist those less able to be freshened up. But what if you are able-bodied, just not always sure if you've "gone" or not? You can't exactly walk around unzipping to see if the color change stripe is blue. People would notice. And if you duck into the bathroom a gazillion times to check for undue moisture, those Depends can and will rip to shreds leaving you pants-less.

The answer is an auditory alert! No ordinary alert however. Mere beeping or buzzing would be embarrassing. After all, this is a technological age and we can do better.

From the second you start to go, a seasonal medley will begin to play. The undies can be crafted to be seasonally relevant and thus play music accordingly. I'm sure no one would notice the music coming from your pants since a lot of people have mp3 songs for ringtones on their cell phones. They would just figure you for one of those clueless folks that doesn't remember to shut off their phone in social settings. You then have the perfect alibi for a quick change... "I've gotta take this..." you mumble absently and leave the room. Everyone would understand. Or at least they'd THINK they understand.

Just imagine - the spring floral print Depends can play "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" or "April Showers Bring May Flowers".

Christmas Depends could offer a selection of songs like "Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let it Snow" or maybe a nice "Do You Hear What I Hear" for those moments of sound effects related embarrassment.

Halloween patterned undies could sing a time honored classic "Thriller". Anyone who saw the creepy music video from that song when it first came out surely had the pee scared out of them.

The ideas are virtually limitless. It could open up a whole new market. There could even be a sensor that would wirelessly connect to your personal mp3 player to run through your own chosen medley of songs that remind you when you gotta go... you could cue it to play the GO-GO's.

Or, for those who have things sneak up on them, it would play "Born to Run"...

Wonder if that idea would help with our rising generation of 'connected kids'. It could help them potty train.

And folks, you have just witnessed what happens when a mind becomes a terrible thing that went to waste.

Happy trails.