So much for thinking you know what you are saying/singing.
January 25, 2014
January 24, 2014
In other words
So as I am wont to do when my mind wanders far from home, I was pondering the strange little quirks in our speech that has us all at a singular disadvantage when what comes out of our mouth wasn't really what we intended at all.
There are times that becomes a serendipitous moment of humor and other times a bizarre embarrassment.
Like the chick who was trying to explain about the medicine you take when you are trying to throw up and mistook Ipanema for Ipecac. One is a delightful Brazilian vacation away from it all and the other... well, not so much. Unless you have ever mistaken bowing before the porcelain god for a good time.
Or how about those misheard lyrics we have all been guilty of shouting out only to find to our horror that not only were they NOT singing what we thought they were, but indeed it was of such vastly different content as to make us appear to be the biggest buffoons in the universe.
ABBA has inspired some doozies in that department.
"You can dance, you can die having the time of your life ooh ooh ooh see that girl watch the screen dig up the dancing queen". Makes that song rather perfect for Halloween when sung that way!
Or how about this one?
"you are the dancing queen, feel the beat of a tangerine" Who knew fruit had rhythm?
And speaking of queens, the group QUEEN has managed a doozy themselves as their fans grapple with the contorted pronunciations and come up with the following:
"Algebra has the devil for a sidekick" (for the record, I'd agree with the statement's sentiment if not its musicality!)
And there is this one: "this is the dawning of the age of Asparagus, the age of Asparagus.... ASPARAGUS!" I'm quite sure the Fifth Dimension was not contemplating Hollandaise sauce when they wrote that song.
Of course, the younger generation who didn't grow up hearing Elvis Presley as a frequent radio staple have some interesting interpretations of what he is singing: "You ain't never pornographic and you ain't no friend of mine!" Clearly, they are looking for a very DIFFERENT kind of friendship that most of us anticipate...
Lyrics aside, the misused words and phrases that creep into our daily life add a sprinkle of seasoning to our otherwise dull palate of conversation.
We sing, say and interpret the spoken word in so much variety it can only be considered a wonderful reminder that we are not created equally. Thank goodness! Plus it can certainly bring some levity to the situation.
Reckon it's about time to settle in for the night and get ready for bed. Time to sing some Credence Clearwater Revival... you know that song that is always so helpful when you are doing all of your last minute chores... "there's a bathroom on the right".
There are times that becomes a serendipitous moment of humor and other times a bizarre embarrassment.
Like the chick who was trying to explain about the medicine you take when you are trying to throw up and mistook Ipanema for Ipecac. One is a delightful Brazilian vacation away from it all and the other... well, not so much. Unless you have ever mistaken bowing before the porcelain god for a good time.
Or how about those misheard lyrics we have all been guilty of shouting out only to find to our horror that not only were they NOT singing what we thought they were, but indeed it was of such vastly different content as to make us appear to be the biggest buffoons in the universe.
ABBA has inspired some doozies in that department.
"You can dance, you can die having the time of your life ooh ooh ooh see that girl watch the screen dig up the dancing queen". Makes that song rather perfect for Halloween when sung that way!
Or how about this one?
"you are the dancing queen, feel the beat of a tangerine" Who knew fruit had rhythm?
And speaking of queens, the group QUEEN has managed a doozy themselves as their fans grapple with the contorted pronunciations and come up with the following:
"Algebra has the devil for a sidekick" (for the record, I'd agree with the statement's sentiment if not its musicality!)
And there is this one: "this is the dawning of the age of Asparagus, the age of Asparagus.... ASPARAGUS!" I'm quite sure the Fifth Dimension was not contemplating Hollandaise sauce when they wrote that song.
Of course, the younger generation who didn't grow up hearing Elvis Presley as a frequent radio staple have some interesting interpretations of what he is singing: "You ain't never pornographic and you ain't no friend of mine!" Clearly, they are looking for a very DIFFERENT kind of friendship that most of us anticipate...
Lyrics aside, the misused words and phrases that creep into our daily life add a sprinkle of seasoning to our otherwise dull palate of conversation.
We sing, say and interpret the spoken word in so much variety it can only be considered a wonderful reminder that we are not created equally. Thank goodness! Plus it can certainly bring some levity to the situation.
Reckon it's about time to settle in for the night and get ready for bed. Time to sing some Credence Clearwater Revival... you know that song that is always so helpful when you are doing all of your last minute chores... "there's a bathroom on the right".
January 21, 2014
Trendy Tops
Loathe as I am to purchase items from those "as seen on TV" commercials due to my fear of giving hackers and Nigerian bank scammers my personal financial information, I have found myself inexplicably drawn to the commercial for the "Trendy Top".
Think of them as the modesty protecting long shirt tails that are as antiquated as running boards and rumble seats for those who are challenged in wearing non-revealing pants.
I do not myself wear low rise jeans because despite my rotund abdomen, I lack actual hips that are required to keep the pants up while I walk. And since I am not employed as a plumber, I am not often called upon to be contorted or bending over to show my butt crack since it is usually more than amply covered by other clothes.
But the "Trendy Top" has a disclaimer that caught my attention.
The woman hawking this spandex wonder belt explained that if I bought one I could perform amazing feats and the trendy top would stay in place.
Okay... go on...
The woman danced, did a complex set of gymnastic maneuvers and was able to squat down and get back up again without so much as a helpful hand grasping onto furniture or shelves to haul her carcass up from the floor.
I am now intrigued... I haven't done a cartwheel since I was a kid and I've not done handsprings since... well, ever.
In the time following my accident, and particularly on really cold days like today, movement has been restricted somewhat. But if I spring for the 20 bucks worth of "Trendy Tops", my troubles may well be over! Wouldn't that be an exciting development? Sliding my choice of three colors over my ample hips and top of my buttocks, I should be able to do those handsprings and cartwheels in no time at all! Sitting in the floor Indian style should no longer cause me to wince in pain when I rise because the huckster announcing the virtues of the heretofore mentioned "Trendy Top" says I can do all of this and keep the top in place which is a hop, skip and a Mother May I jump from the claims that it will allow me freedom of movement without pain.
Wait, I think that line was from another TV commercial wanting my money... either way, I'd like to experience a full nights sleep minus the back spasms and numbness that alters my sleep, or the throbbing that wakes me from what sleep I had previously enjoyed.
Trendy or not I could get used to that kind of help in a hurry. Should they prove as magical as their ad claims or even if they only proved HALF as magical, I should be able to perform physical feats that have only been dreamt of and have bestowed upon me skills that have long since passed.
Might be worth a phone call.
WHAT IN HEAVEN'S NAME AM I SAYING???
I have been seduced - SEDUCED, I TELL YOU - by the cloying pitchman and pitchwomen on TV! Fortunately for everyone concerned, I have come to my senses!
Whew! I could have injured myself counting on that ol' "Trendy Top" to lead me to athletic success and renewed vigor!
Time for a nice lie down, kiddies.
Remember that object in the rear view mirror are closer than they appear, your chewing gum loses it's flavor on the bedpost overnight and everyone knows if you color your hair because last Sunday it was a completely different shade.
"Trendy Tops". Too bad they don't come with a no hassle guarantee to return your brains to you when you discover that you are not completely satisfied.
Think of them as the modesty protecting long shirt tails that are as antiquated as running boards and rumble seats for those who are challenged in wearing non-revealing pants.
I do not myself wear low rise jeans because despite my rotund abdomen, I lack actual hips that are required to keep the pants up while I walk. And since I am not employed as a plumber, I am not often called upon to be contorted or bending over to show my butt crack since it is usually more than amply covered by other clothes.
But the "Trendy Top" has a disclaimer that caught my attention.
The woman hawking this spandex wonder belt explained that if I bought one I could perform amazing feats and the trendy top would stay in place.
Okay... go on...
The woman danced, did a complex set of gymnastic maneuvers and was able to squat down and get back up again without so much as a helpful hand grasping onto furniture or shelves to haul her carcass up from the floor.
I am now intrigued... I haven't done a cartwheel since I was a kid and I've not done handsprings since... well, ever.
In the time following my accident, and particularly on really cold days like today, movement has been restricted somewhat. But if I spring for the 20 bucks worth of "Trendy Tops", my troubles may well be over! Wouldn't that be an exciting development? Sliding my choice of three colors over my ample hips and top of my buttocks, I should be able to do those handsprings and cartwheels in no time at all! Sitting in the floor Indian style should no longer cause me to wince in pain when I rise because the huckster announcing the virtues of the heretofore mentioned "Trendy Top" says I can do all of this and keep the top in place which is a hop, skip and a Mother May I jump from the claims that it will allow me freedom of movement without pain.
Wait, I think that line was from another TV commercial wanting my money... either way, I'd like to experience a full nights sleep minus the back spasms and numbness that alters my sleep, or the throbbing that wakes me from what sleep I had previously enjoyed.
Trendy or not I could get used to that kind of help in a hurry. Should they prove as magical as their ad claims or even if they only proved HALF as magical, I should be able to perform physical feats that have only been dreamt of and have bestowed upon me skills that have long since passed.
Might be worth a phone call.
WHAT IN HEAVEN'S NAME AM I SAYING???
I have been seduced - SEDUCED, I TELL YOU - by the cloying pitchman and pitchwomen on TV! Fortunately for everyone concerned, I have come to my senses!
Whew! I could have injured myself counting on that ol' "Trendy Top" to lead me to athletic success and renewed vigor!
Time for a nice lie down, kiddies.
Remember that object in the rear view mirror are closer than they appear, your chewing gum loses it's flavor on the bedpost overnight and everyone knows if you color your hair because last Sunday it was a completely different shade.
"Trendy Tops". Too bad they don't come with a no hassle guarantee to return your brains to you when you discover that you are not completely satisfied.
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