Cleaning house is a never ending occupation that is only truly noticed when it DOESN'T happen.
When everything runs seamlessly and everyone has undies in the drawer, it seems that life ticks along just fine.
But let the unforeseen occur, and a traffic jam of epic proportion happens on the axis of life. Children whine, husbands sulk and dogs act as if they are a distant relative unsure of making your acquaintance.
When the "lady of the house" gets sick or is unable to perform the duties for which she wears the crown of Domestic Goddess, it affects everyone.
Heretofore skilled persons are unable to discern which handle turns on the water, turns on the washer or flushes the toilet.
I propose a solution of which even the most ill and germ-ridden Queen of the Domicile would approve.
Picture it.
A gleaming handle attached to the wall in a special lock box.
The special coded key is inserted.
The klaxon sounds and the red strobe alerts everyone that play time is over and the cleaning will now begin... with extreme prejudice.
The FLUSH HANDLE O' LIFE!!
Yep, sisters really can do it for themselves and then return to their sick beds.
One flush and everything nasty gets a complete cleaning from nasty footprints on the wall to the couch you got at a yardsale. A baby's behind is washed clean and re-Pampered with all the care you would expect.
Floors, walls, windows and furniture returned to pristine show-room clean in a matter of seconds.
The kids and pets would all have to be taught how to hold their breath when the warnings go off, but they would adapt pretty soon and they would be clean to boot.
You can tell your spouse about the upcoming procedure at your leisure depending upon how much he helps or ditches you every week. I imagine that level of cooperation around the home would improve when they realized those big drains that opened up to receive everything that got flushed would take everything from camping equipment and golf clubs to the kids' sharpened Lego's and Jack rocks that pierce naked feet at night instead of being in their proper place.
Of course, an alternate use would be up to your own discretion. Have a houseguest that just needs to go?? Flush them out.
Salesman show up? Give him the Tidy Bowl treatment.
Unexpected visitors? Flush it all clean and sparkling with enough time left over to primp up and look like a fashion plate... or at least a fashionable napkin ring.
I think this idea has merit and will be actively applying for a government grant to study, research, categorize, organize and prepare a lengthy on site experiment.
A few million ought to cover my expenses each year until the project is either completed or abandoned.
Send your contribution in a plain brown envelope straight to me.
I promise to use the money to buy chocolate.
