Holy Moses!
Not even alert and moving well (despite the fact that the alarm rings at 5:30 a.m.), and some yo-yo from a collections agency calls claiming that JARED, has run up a bill over $400 dollars for medical supplies and equipment.
Dang it! I can't leave that boy alone with the computer at night anymore!! No surfing for scantily clad women for him, no siree! That kid is HOARDING medical supplies!
If I had only known he was so adept . . .
The delightful Bangladeshi woman from collections, whom I couldn't understand, transferred me to an attitudinal woman in Atlanta who asked to speak to my son.
My handicapped son.
I told her that I would be happy to talk to her since I am his mother.
The diva with a 'tude indicated that she was only authorized to talk to Jared. She then DEMANDED that Jared come to the phone.
By this time, I was on high boil and overflowing onto the stovetop and told her 'Jared CANNOT come to the phone . . ." whereupon I was rudely INTERRUPTED by Miss 'Tude, who demanded to know why he couldn't.
When I continued by saying 'Jared is a 15 year old, totally disabled, wheelchair-bound aphasic CHILD' . . . She said, 'I am just trying to do my job, so don't cop an attitude with me, lady.'{uh, who copped what first?}
I was then abruptly transferred to the 'MANAGER' (cue fear and trembling - NOT!).
The Manager came on saying that we were in collections for this debt and that if we didn't pay the consequences would be 'dire'.
Bring it on.
What part of my LAVISH lifestyle would you like to have. . . The television which has no working buttons on the front anymore? Unless you have a universal remote you are sorry out of luck on operating it. Or the temperamental VCR that DELETES its programming when it gets too hot or tired? How about one or the other of the DVD players? We were recently given the 2nd one and it's remote control, because frankly, the woman took pity on the one I was literally PRYING the disc from and brought this newer one from her sister's yard sale. Why do we have the other one still. BECAUSE IT'S HOLDING UP THE NEW ONE!
Now, don't you feel silly for asking?
Then again, we do have some luxuries. The matching chair and ottoman I got from the local thrift store for $40. Or the nice blue chair from the other thrift store I got for $35? Maybe hospital beds are your thing. Jared can do without his, right?
I did get a treadmill for Christmas, so maybe that would do for your collections? NO? You only take cash, checks, money orders and credit cards? Ooooh, my bad.
Since I currently have about 8 bucks in checking, and I can't use the credit card we are trying to pay off right now, that leaves use in a bit of a pickle.
Medicaid being what it is, I am QUITE sure that they DID receive payment for his medical supplies. Especially since they are BY PRESCRIPTION.
As of this writing, I am still awaiting the 'imminent phone call of doom'. I think I'll just finish my Captain Crunch and hit the abs exerciser for a bit while I prepare to be annihilated by the collections agency.
Odd thing about this all is that if I had actually spent 400 bucks on something frivolous, my credit card company wouldn't do anything but jack up the interest on our payments. But let the medical feeding frenzy begin . . . well, it's like that bar on the TV show 'Cheers', suddenly EVERYBODY knows your name.
March 28, 2008
March 27, 2008
Don't Forget The Lyrics!
As the victim of more than one roadtrip on a bus, I can qualify for some sort of award as a survivor of forgotten and bruised lyrics sung by the well-meaning but unknowing. Sometimes the words that someone sings to a given song leave you wondering "what in the world are you singing???" Other times, the words that come out of someone's mouth are spot on but totally shocking nonetheless.
While on the way to our nation's capitol one summer, I was sitting in the back of the bus listening to one of the other girls take her turn at 'pre-karaoke' (we were ahead of our time!) and listening her murder the lyrics to a teen favorite Hall & Oates song. It wasn't one we normally played in front of adults. Ever.
Breathlessly, we waited for the chorus of the song, which actually contained the aforementioned naughty word, and watched her mouth to see if she would brazenly sing 'THE WORD' that was certain to get her tossed unceremoniously off the bus into the byways of Virginia. After all, we were a church youth group on this bus and even teenagers on a bus for 16 hours have SOME standards - not many, but some.
Not only did she sing it loud and proud, but the guy who was 'in charge' of the tape deck actually turned down the music's volume so it made her obscenity even more obvious as it was no longer thinly veiled by the raucus screaming guitars and heavy pounding drumbeat. For a moment it was almost funny - until . . .
The bus almost veered off the road.
Angry adults stopped the concert mid-song. Severely chastened by the adult leadership who were all riding the bus with us to not only to ensure that we all came home at the end of the week but that we stayed morally clean, the music was silenced and everyone threw angry glares at the brazen one who didn't have enough class to just go blank over the offending word. Threats of taking 'that devil music' away from us were issued and quiet apologies were offered after an unreasonably long time of dead silence.
After the appropriate amount of music free quiet had passed, a new tape was gently clicked into place and some tame selection from a churchy type pop group was playing in the background. Periodically, one adult or another would make that evil-eyed stroll to the back to make sure that our music was on the straight and narrow and to toss one more accusatory glance in the offender's direction.
It was a long night.
After the arrival at our hotel later in the afternoon of the next day, new batteries were loaded into our favorite traveling juke box set up another day of musical fun. We were going to be touring the major and minor sites of D.C. A popular tape was put in, the volume was turned low, and the group sing began again, this time conscious of both the lyrics and the need to 'forget' the lyrics as needed.
It was one of those times in life where having a bad memory would have been a greater blessing than having a good one.
Now, they pay people to have stellar memories on songs that virtually no one sings anymore unless it's 3 am and they are drunk in some karaoke joint on the Lower East side. And while I have no proof of it, I am sure there is some censor waiting to slap the blue dot and the bleep over offending words that might creep into the music.
Then again, the FCC might be more open minded than chaperones on a youth trip are. And I wonder if that might not be a bad thing. We forgive things and words that just might need a bit more evil eye. Wonder what government agency handles that assignment . . . ?
While on the way to our nation's capitol one summer, I was sitting in the back of the bus listening to one of the other girls take her turn at 'pre-karaoke' (we were ahead of our time!) and listening her murder the lyrics to a teen favorite Hall & Oates song. It wasn't one we normally played in front of adults. Ever.
Breathlessly, we waited for the chorus of the song, which actually contained the aforementioned naughty word, and watched her mouth to see if she would brazenly sing 'THE WORD' that was certain to get her tossed unceremoniously off the bus into the byways of Virginia. After all, we were a church youth group on this bus and even teenagers on a bus for 16 hours have SOME standards - not many, but some.
Not only did she sing it loud and proud, but the guy who was 'in charge' of the tape deck actually turned down the music's volume so it made her obscenity even more obvious as it was no longer thinly veiled by the raucus screaming guitars and heavy pounding drumbeat. For a moment it was almost funny - until . . .
The bus almost veered off the road.
Angry adults stopped the concert mid-song. Severely chastened by the adult leadership who were all riding the bus with us to not only to ensure that we all came home at the end of the week but that we stayed morally clean, the music was silenced and everyone threw angry glares at the brazen one who didn't have enough class to just go blank over the offending word. Threats of taking 'that devil music' away from us were issued and quiet apologies were offered after an unreasonably long time of dead silence.
After the appropriate amount of music free quiet had passed, a new tape was gently clicked into place and some tame selection from a churchy type pop group was playing in the background. Periodically, one adult or another would make that evil-eyed stroll to the back to make sure that our music was on the straight and narrow and to toss one more accusatory glance in the offender's direction.
It was a long night.
After the arrival at our hotel later in the afternoon of the next day, new batteries were loaded into our favorite traveling juke box set up another day of musical fun. We were going to be touring the major and minor sites of D.C. A popular tape was put in, the volume was turned low, and the group sing began again, this time conscious of both the lyrics and the need to 'forget' the lyrics as needed.
It was one of those times in life where having a bad memory would have been a greater blessing than having a good one.
Now, they pay people to have stellar memories on songs that virtually no one sings anymore unless it's 3 am and they are drunk in some karaoke joint on the Lower East side. And while I have no proof of it, I am sure there is some censor waiting to slap the blue dot and the bleep over offending words that might creep into the music.
Then again, the FCC might be more open minded than chaperones on a youth trip are. And I wonder if that might not be a bad thing. We forgive things and words that just might need a bit more evil eye. Wonder what government agency handles that assignment . . . ?
March 25, 2008
Truly Random
I attended the All-County Honor Band performance tonight.
While it is a fact that I am a cultural giant and am well versed in when to applaud politely and when to stare coldly at the Philistine who breaks into clapping during the intermezzo, I generally only attend these events by invitation.
In this case, the invitation was from my niece and her family and was greatly appreciated. After all, their family has certainlly attended their share of MY kid's performances and turnabout is more than fair play, it is totally just.
The kids and their instruments had TWO whole days to pull the music together, not including the private time with chapped lips at home.
The end result was astonishing. Now, I am totally going to tell you that I have seldom heard a better performance. You have every right to disagree. But I tell you that the emotion and fervor of the musicians was indeed an attribution to how they perform 'when they are at home' in their various band programs across the county.
The guest conductor made a profound statement by saying that in our world there is a lot wrong with kids today but that the ones there in that concert were NOT part of what was wrong.
And he was absolutely right.
Those kids took what they could do and together magnified it into a wonderful evening of music that speaks volumes of who they are when the spotlight isn't shining on them. It also says a great deal about their choices to rehearse when their friends may have been encouraging them to make other choices entirely.
So to the people in the Honor Band, I salute you and congratulate you on your accomplishments as individuals and a group...
And on a personal note to my niece, YOU ROCK!!!
While it is a fact that I am a cultural giant and am well versed in when to applaud politely and when to stare coldly at the Philistine who breaks into clapping during the intermezzo, I generally only attend these events by invitation.
In this case, the invitation was from my niece and her family and was greatly appreciated. After all, their family has certainlly attended their share of MY kid's performances and turnabout is more than fair play, it is totally just.
The kids and their instruments had TWO whole days to pull the music together, not including the private time with chapped lips at home.
The end result was astonishing. Now, I am totally going to tell you that I have seldom heard a better performance. You have every right to disagree. But I tell you that the emotion and fervor of the musicians was indeed an attribution to how they perform 'when they are at home' in their various band programs across the county.
The guest conductor made a profound statement by saying that in our world there is a lot wrong with kids today but that the ones there in that concert were NOT part of what was wrong.
And he was absolutely right.
Those kids took what they could do and together magnified it into a wonderful evening of music that speaks volumes of who they are when the spotlight isn't shining on them. It also says a great deal about their choices to rehearse when their friends may have been encouraging them to make other choices entirely.
So to the people in the Honor Band, I salute you and congratulate you on your accomplishments as individuals and a group...
And on a personal note to my niece, YOU ROCK!!!
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