It didn't start out to be a martial arts epic.
I was simply going outside to help clear up storm debris in our back yard that was bountifully spread across our lawn from the next door neighbor's pine trees. They have two great whacking specimens that dump their needles, branches, twigs and pine cones of every shape, size and color onto our yard after each and every west to east storm front.
Normally, I don't think about it much because that's just how neighborhoods are. The neighbor trees giveth and the other neighbor taketh it away.
Today, I went out with my handy little grabber that I got during my stint in the rehab unit. It allows me to pick up things on the grass without falling onto my face on the uneven ground. As it is, it is hard enough to walk out there amidst the pine cones, branches and divots in the yard - said divots that are the direct result of various hound related landscaping tips. You need to be on your toes walking out there lest you become part of the debris instead of the cleanup crew!
I found the grabber to be most helpful as it would grab hold of a pine cone or a small branch and allow me to fling the offending pine cones to the debris pile we have in the southwestern corner of the yard. It also allowed me to practice my golf pitching wedge "onto the green" work as I lofted a few back into our neighbor's yard. Just enough oomph to get it over the fence, but not enough to hit their sun porch.
As I backed around a small area looking for pine cones, I managed to accidentally discover the spider web artfully draped between the red oak and the neighbor's overgrown flowering ornamental that is now part of the chain link fence.
Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan and Jet Li have NOTHING on the sweet ninja moves I was throwing down in the yard. I am certain I was employing muscles I don't even have. I'll probably feel that tomorrow.
But back to the danger...
Had that spider and its lethal web been part of a deployment of a trained fighting squad, it most certainly would have come out looking second best as I whirled and kicked and punched my way through the sticky entrapment which lay in wait for me as I simply tried to clean my yard.
I'm sure the neighbors were about to choke to death on whatever they were drinking while they snorted and laughed as they watched me fight off the arachnid assassin with his eight limbs of death.
The good news is that I've had a complete cardio workout in addition to the walking I did earlier today.
I think I'll sleep well tonight after that exercise... or scream my way through nightmares of ginormous ninja spiders of doom...
Wait... what is that by the corner of my eye...
EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
That is a piece of the spider web!!
I'll have to get back to you later... this may not be over yet.
That spider may be lurking behind a pine cone after having delivered a sticky calling card to invite me back out for round two!
Is it cheating to take Raid to a ninja battle?
