Oh the joys of showing the therapist just how hard you have been working on the PT treatments you have been given!
Oh the exhilaration of being granted new exercises to do!
Oh the splendor of getting to perform the full compliment of your exercises plus all the new ones and then do a sprint trial with the walker while hobbling along on one leg!!
Can you sense my excitement?
Feel the palpable sense of accomplishment?
Suck back the wind like Secretariat in the home stretch? Eat pain pills like they are candy?
Yep, that has been my day.
While I am both pleased and gratified that I have made progress, I can attest that it has come at a nice steep price. I get it... no pain, no gain. No pain, no pain pills. No pain, no reason for me to cry.
And I am girl so I am entitle to cry if I want to. And I wanted to.
Going crazy being at home, but right now being at home is the safe place for me to be. While I would like to get out, I confess to being scared to death to do so. I'm afraid to be in a car going ANYWHERE because I don't trust the other drivers on the road.
Previous experience has made me that way.
This is my third go round with someone using their bigger vehicle to smash into me and attempt to turn me into a pile of mush. And each of the two previous times, the other party pretty much skips off scott free and I wind up aching and bruised and bloody.
THIS JUST AIN'T FAIR!!! And I want my Momma!!
SIGH!
I long for the sense of personal ability that is just out of reach. I desire the ability to shower or pee without help. I'd love to be able to just feel free to ride in or drive a car somewhere. Anywhere.
But right now, my biggest desire is to just get to feeling better. To be able to breathe without it hurting. To be able to stand up with both legs instead of grinding my way up with one and my upper body strength. To lie down in my regular bed beside my husband instead of spending my nights in a hospital bed cuddling up with a stuffed cow and a raccoon head.
I'll stop the whiny butt express train. It's hard to always be cheerful. Especially when I sometimes feel like I'm being cheerful for the benefit of everyone else. Crying doesn't do much but waste water most of the time, but sometimes, it's all I want to do.
Trying to find the plan, the purpose and the good in all of this is in rather short supply right now. It's not intentional, but I do feel a bit like a boxcar on a siding with the grass growing through the tracks and the winding vines of morning glories climbing their tendrils gently through my buffers, my railings and my wheels. Picturesque it may seem, but it can also be somewhat lonely.
God has a plan. I'm sure He does. I'm trying to understand exactly what it is and how to apply it. I'm sure in His own due time, all will be unfolded to my understanding. Or not.
Right now, I'm just ready to lie down and try to rest and hope tomorrow is a better day.
April 23, 2013
April 19, 2013
Progress and Patience
Today was the one month checkup with the doc to see how all things orthopedic are sorting themselves out.
Dr. Leberte was pleased. I was relieved. The "nervous Nellie" side of me was truly concerned that I would be unable to have made sufficient progress for it to be noticed.
The x-rays looked promising. There is new bone growing along the fracture lines and the doctor said for me to continue along in my exercise and practice with muscle movements. I'm looking forward to having more to show him come May 17th.
We got home about lunch time and then I crept into the bed for some rest. I slept really well for my nap then my therapist came to put me through my paces. I walked and did my exercises for her. She seemed pleased and took the note from Dr. Leberte back for the files.
Each day is a little better. I'm hoping that I can get my strength back and sorted out so that I can continue to recover.
I am so thankful for all the Lord has done for me thus far. It is truly a miracle for me.
Dr. Leberte was pleased. I was relieved. The "nervous Nellie" side of me was truly concerned that I would be unable to have made sufficient progress for it to be noticed.
The x-rays looked promising. There is new bone growing along the fracture lines and the doctor said for me to continue along in my exercise and practice with muscle movements. I'm looking forward to having more to show him come May 17th.
We got home about lunch time and then I crept into the bed for some rest. I slept really well for my nap then my therapist came to put me through my paces. I walked and did my exercises for her. She seemed pleased and took the note from Dr. Leberte back for the files.
Each day is a little better. I'm hoping that I can get my strength back and sorted out so that I can continue to recover.
I am so thankful for all the Lord has done for me thus far. It is truly a miracle for me.
April 13, 2013
Entourage
There are so many things we take SO for granted in our lives.
One of them is that at a certain age and station in life that you will be able to take care of your bathroom ablutions without a crowd.
Right now, that isn't possible.
Woo hoo.
To be fair about it, I feel badly for those who are compelled to attendance when Mother Nature calls on me for a quick trip to the bathroom. Quick is also not part of the deal so I feel like the world is compelled to come to a screeching halt to meet my needs at that moment. Not cool.
That isn't exactly something I want to be remembered by.
It is quite humbling to realize that everything that was once no big deal alone now requires so much help and patience by other people in order to be able to take care of personal daily needs.
Then, there is the reality of using a walker. I am thankful for walkers. I'll state that for the record. I am thankful for their steadying influence as I try to help my bruised and broken body get used to being upright and able to move.
What I'm not a fan of is that I can't do what I used to do. It is humbling to realize that everything I was easily doing a few short weeks ago requires advanced logistical planning now. That is kind of tough.
I am, however, a huge fan of gratitude. I am STILL here. I am, even though painfully at times, able to move, able to at least contribute to some of my care, able to breathe, to love my family and to still just be...
While I am no fan of groupies in the john, I am coming to grips with the fact that people are so kind and so loving and so careful toward me that they are willing to be there even in my extremity.
For that I am truly grateful.
One of them is that at a certain age and station in life that you will be able to take care of your bathroom ablutions without a crowd.
Right now, that isn't possible.
Woo hoo.
To be fair about it, I feel badly for those who are compelled to attendance when Mother Nature calls on me for a quick trip to the bathroom. Quick is also not part of the deal so I feel like the world is compelled to come to a screeching halt to meet my needs at that moment. Not cool.
That isn't exactly something I want to be remembered by.
It is quite humbling to realize that everything that was once no big deal alone now requires so much help and patience by other people in order to be able to take care of personal daily needs.
Then, there is the reality of using a walker. I am thankful for walkers. I'll state that for the record. I am thankful for their steadying influence as I try to help my bruised and broken body get used to being upright and able to move.
What I'm not a fan of is that I can't do what I used to do. It is humbling to realize that everything I was easily doing a few short weeks ago requires advanced logistical planning now. That is kind of tough.
I am, however, a huge fan of gratitude. I am STILL here. I am, even though painfully at times, able to move, able to at least contribute to some of my care, able to breathe, to love my family and to still just be...
While I am no fan of groupies in the john, I am coming to grips with the fact that people are so kind and so loving and so careful toward me that they are willing to be there even in my extremity.
For that I am truly grateful.
April 5, 2013
The Luck of the Irish or the Leprechaun Sucks
This has nothing to do with football.
It has to do with the fact that I am not a fan of March 17th ... not ever again. The leprechauns who promise luck and good fortune and rainbows and pots of gold are full of crap.
March of 1985, just scant months after Rick and I got married, saw St. Patrick's day come and with it a life threatening auto accident. Now, flash forward to March of 2013 and yet another life threatening accident.
I am trying to find some reason for this. I am also trying to find some kind of understanding of just how the Lord Almighty wants to use this experience to help me help someone else.
Either way, I'm beginning to think that I don't ever want to leave the house on this particular date again.
I'm thankful to my Father in Heaven for sparing my life.
I'm thankful for the blessings of the priesthood of God that continue to shore up my faith, strengthen my ability to endure and just comfort me through all of this particular trial.
I am thankful to be home with my family and to have another time to just tell them I love them. To kiss Jared's soft hand and hold it while I let him know that he is important to me. To tell Rick how much I love and appreciate him and his care for me.
I'm thankful for the long-distance prayers of Thomas and Tianna that bridge the distance and that lets me know that our family is eternal.
I'm grateful for the blessing of the prayers of friends and family near and far each and every day that strengthen me and help me feel like I can endure.
Luck is a misnomer. It's a worldly attribution that removes the hand of God.
The feeling I have now is BLESSED.
And I know that I am very richly blessed and preserved indeed.
God bless us all in our individual trials.
It has to do with the fact that I am not a fan of March 17th ... not ever again. The leprechauns who promise luck and good fortune and rainbows and pots of gold are full of crap.
March of 1985, just scant months after Rick and I got married, saw St. Patrick's day come and with it a life threatening auto accident. Now, flash forward to March of 2013 and yet another life threatening accident.
I am trying to find some reason for this. I am also trying to find some kind of understanding of just how the Lord Almighty wants to use this experience to help me help someone else.
Either way, I'm beginning to think that I don't ever want to leave the house on this particular date again.
I'm thankful to my Father in Heaven for sparing my life.
I'm thankful for the blessings of the priesthood of God that continue to shore up my faith, strengthen my ability to endure and just comfort me through all of this particular trial.
I am thankful to be home with my family and to have another time to just tell them I love them. To kiss Jared's soft hand and hold it while I let him know that he is important to me. To tell Rick how much I love and appreciate him and his care for me.
I'm thankful for the long-distance prayers of Thomas and Tianna that bridge the distance and that lets me know that our family is eternal.
I'm grateful for the blessing of the prayers of friends and family near and far each and every day that strengthen me and help me feel like I can endure.
Luck is a misnomer. It's a worldly attribution that removes the hand of God.
The feeling I have now is BLESSED.
And I know that I am very richly blessed and preserved indeed.
God bless us all in our individual trials.
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