While talking to my sister on the phone the other day, a disturbing truth came to mind.
I hate standardized tests. It is a truth that we both share and apparently, so do her daughters.
Particularly hated is the portion of the tests where it expects us to take a leap into the absurd with analogies that make no sense at all.
You know the part I mean: something is to something like another thing is to another thing.
It shows up like this: "asparagus is to mailbox like Bermuda shorts are to spatulas".
DO WHAT?!?!?
Who in the devil are they kidding?
Some twisted test writers are sipping on a glass of J.D. on ice and laughing their fool heads off while they draw obtuse references out of thin air.
Fish is to chandelier as trollop is to hardwood flooring.
Language is to pea soup as envelope is to fireworks.
Sure, when you have been sufficiently "lubricated" with J.D., you can see the logical train of thought that makes the connection between the two extremes.
So the next time your child or perhaps you, yourself, come across one of these literary bon mots that has you thoroughly perplexed, remember that it is all relative.
After all, understanding is to lunch meat as pavement is to French vanilla.
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