46

It's just a number.

Only significant as mankind counts the passage of time.

Doesn't make a difference as to how I feel or what kind of mental image I have of myself.

Today, I am Queen for the day.

It's my birthday and I can wade the balmly waters of denial all I want to. You can't stop me. The candles on my cake (which I probably shouldn't eat) may number 46, but the attitude within my heart and soul is pure 29 and holding. I can run around with my fingers in my ears singing 'la la la' while you try to tell me otherwise. For today, I can't hear you!

I'm the birthday girl!

I am young, thin and beautiful and possessed of a figure that makes men drool and women jealous.

I am toned, lean, fit and tan.

I am brilliant, well-educated and sought after for my wisdom.

I am talented, gifted and nothing is out of my reach.

I have the capacity to do anything and everything. Sometimes at the same time.

I am woman - hear me roar! (isn't that a militant anthem or something?)

In all seriousness, today is interesting for me in many respects. Though it is just a number, it is significant. The scars and marks and stretch marks I bear and the simple passage of time is proof of life for me. It hasn't been perfect thus far, but oh, what a ride!

Blessed beyond all sense of reason to have a husband who loves me despite the reality of the odd woman he married, children who are brilliant, shining stars in my life and heart, and a dog who would love to be wild, I have truly been given a gift that lasts far beyond any temporary moment of happiness or pleasure.

Last year, the doom and gloom of turning forty-five was almost overwhelming. I don't know why. Numbers usually don't matter as I consider the fact that I am still here - despite many moments of unbelievable stupidity which could have ended my life - to be a testimony to the faith and prayers of other people, most notably, my poor parents.

Likewise, the fact that my siblings and I actually talk to each other and enjoy one another's company is a blessing to me. Fractured families and broken hearts have become the norm in our jaded society. Those who 'flock together' are considered strange. How sad! I LIKE my family flock! They actually keep the one marble of sanity I possess 'in play'.

Birthday blessings flow from the friends who have come into my life over the years. Though I do not number my friends nor trot them out for Queen's inspection, I am thankful to have their kind and gentle influence in my life. I am also thankful for the reckless abandon we share as well.

Thomas has told me when I look for friends, I am actually seeking accomplices. Dang! That kid knows me all too well!

But regardless of the 'title' attached, my friends are a blessing to me. They are a gift that can be brief or long lasting in my life and though time isn't an issue, their importance to me is. They teach me things about myself that I am too cowardly to see out on my own.

My friends show me the possibilities and fortify my faith, not only in the world, but in myself.

My sweet and wild dog is a blessing in my life. Though she revels in the opportunity to attempt assassination on our walks or by laying directly over my face while I lift weights, she is MY sweet baby girl. Although Rick brought her home intending that she be his (HA!), she is indeed MY little savage beast. Circumstantially obedient to a fault, she is the canid version of my own warped personality. She will have her way in the due course of time, but she will drag you all over creation to get it. Consider it the penalty phase of the learning curve.

So today, I look upon my family and my friends who make each day better and I thank them all for the gift of their presence in my life.

But I am not sap enough to say no gifts are required. (yeah, it's rude, but get over it!)

Let the flames begin and toss the packages on the table! It's not every day that my favorite wild child turns 46. Oh, yeah! That's right, baby! Just like the Beatles sing "Today is your birthday" - it's time to celebrate the joy and wonder that is ME!

If you didn't have time to buy anything, I take VISA, MASTERCARD, AMERICAN EXPRESS and cold, hard cash. I'm a mercenary sort.

I totally promise to spend birthday money for things I don't need or that are totally impractical to my lifestyle. After all, who wants to use birthday money to buy socks and underwear?

There should be some sort of birthday bonus where nothing I consume today has any caloric content and everything is fair game.

In closing, I share my favorite birthday joke:

A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?"

She said, "I'd love to be ten again."

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, the Riptide Rollercoaster.

She had a go on every ride there was. She ate hot dogs and cotton candy, popcorn and soda pop. There were pickles, funnel-cakes and Sno-cones. Every food stand they passed had another treat for her to eat.

She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then the were off to a movie theater where they ate popcorn and sweets and drank Cola while watching the triple feature.

At last, as the stars twinkled brightly in the night sky, she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into their bed.

Her husband leaned over and asked gently, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"

One eye opened and she whispered, "Actually, honey, I meant a SIZE 10!"

Happy Birthday to ME!