What the heck?!?!

Christmas ...

celebrations with family and friends...

silver and gold, red and green...

pink and purple.

DO WHAT?!?!?!

Yep. Pink and purple.

Despite the good sense of EVERYONE who has learned their colors, shapes and numbers, and who no longer requires the use of a sippy cup - oh no, to the contrary - we are to decorate the tree in the festive traditional holiday colors of Pepto-Bismol pink and Royal Crown whiskey purple.

Uh, not so much.

Despite the information being given to us all at allegedly the same time, when I was finally able to reach the people in charge, we were left with the loathsome choices of orange and brown (who in the Deep South decorates a tree to look like a football team from Yankee country?) or the delightfully aforementioned "pepto pink" and "slipped on the porcelain purple".

We are stuck with the pink and purple.

While Barbie accessories may indeed be festooned in enough pink to make the folks at the Pepto company wonder where all of the red dye went, there are not shelves and shelves of holiday ornamentation colored to resemble the remedy for barf.

Who'da thunk?

And purple... well, it also required more than one scouting trip to discover a shade of purple that didn't require a bag of frozen peas to take down the swelling.

But today, through skillful manipulations of how in the heck all of this shall come together in a tree that will NOT inspire the gag reflex, success occured. And all for around $100 bucks.

Now, it all boils down to December 9th and the unenviable task of coordinating the aforementioned decorations on the tree to resemble not so much a night of excess at Studio 54 under the disco lights, but a tree to commemorate our feelings on the Savior's birth.

I don't even believe the Wise Men showed up in these colors unless we have been woefully uninformed about a local burlesque review.

But undaunted, the calendar is marked and hopes remain high that a monsoon will sweep away all of the other trees leaving the monument to "Las Vegas chic" in place as the only tree in the building.

Either that or we will be require to make a substantial investment in dark glasses and
"spontaneous" power outages when people approach the said tree.

You'll know the tree when you see it, if you get to see it. It will be the one that should be next to the rundown, velveeta box on wheels down in the Dogpatch trailer court.

Merry Christmas, y'all!