Letting go...

The phrase has been around for a while - "let go and let God".

The application of the phrase not so long at all. In fact, there are plenty of times that the application phase is completely in doubt.

The devil is in the details for sure and for certain. Doubt is the enemy and a constant presence on some days to the point that productive and spiritual planes are not even approachable.

Fear is the motivating factor that keeps us all mired in complacency, daily drudgery and the murky depths of worry about things over which we have absolutely no control anyway - we just THINK we have control.

For those who have children, the passage from helpless infant to self-sufficient adult mostly happens right on schedule and without too much interference from well meaning but ignorant adults who forget that mistakes are the price we pay for knowledge.

Even those precious infants we see in our mind's eye will make mistakes. They have to. It's part of that priceless contract with a loving Father in Heaven who wanted us to come here and make choices, mistakes, have successes and failures and learn through the process of repentance so that we could choose to come home to Him, if that is what we wanted. He even made a way through our Savior for that to all come to pass.

But we know better than our kids. We can 'help' them. We know what life is really like and we can coach them along. Heaven forbid that they get a bump, a bruise or a bone spur during this mortal journey. If it is uncomfortable, we will be there to soften the blow.

Except we can't.

Growth doesn't happen in a vacuum, generally speaking. I'm sure the scientists at NASA have other ideas about that but with kids becoming adults, it is a truism that really is true.

If we hover over them and stifle them and prevent them from ever feeling the consequences of life, we haven't helped them at all. Instead, we have stunted their growth, made them dependent and, in a measure, truly helpless as adults.

I have often said I don't want a 42-year old, Cheetoh eating, dirty underwear wearing, basement dwelling adult who doesn't have a job sitting playing Nintendo all day because the 'right' opportunity didn't come down into the basement.

But in order for them to learn to do laundry, buy groceries, live on a budget and become responsible, our kids need to practice being adults while we can be there to support them enough to shove them out of our nest of perpetual protection and into the winds that just might be a bit cruel.

That is a hard sell for most Moms. We want our kids to be well adjusted, healthy and in short, to have a happy ending all of the time. But that isn't in their best interests now or in the long term.
They need to stretch out, feel the wind and maybe somersault to the ground in an unglorious heap in order to learn just how it is to fly on the currents that can lift them from the basement and into the glorious light of day.

We want to think that our little Susie or Sam will call us and keep a warm place in their heart for us always. The truth is, if we have done our job the right way, they WILL feel warm and comfortable thoughts about us. But more importantly, they will realize that sometimes the best helping hand we ever gave them was a good, firm push...not enough to truly hurt them, but just enough to propel them over the rim of the nest and into the wind.

Our children aren't made of glass most of the time and for the most part they are pretty resiliant people who can and do learn how to navigate the various life paths that are theirs for the choosing.

We can be proud of them, support them emotionally and give them the room to grow by being willing to let go.

I'm trying to learn how to do that and make the lesson stick, for me as much as for my children, to whom this world will someday belong.

When I figure it all out, and have become convinced I'm doing it the right way, you'll be the first to know.