What is WRONG with you people????

Is it unkind to wonder if people arrived here on this earth with a brain??? Or perhaps to think that while they may have indeed arrived with it and that somehow through the processes of life, the brain slipped out or was gambled away on a 50-1 long shot at the racetrack?

I was riding my bike to the store. Not a particularly unusual occurrence considering gas prices and my desperate need to exercise. Unless the sight of someone on a bike compels you to laugh so much you snort your Pepsi up your nose and ram your truck into the ditch.

Paying attention not only to the rhythm of my pedaling, I am watching, in all the ways they teach in Driver's Ed, for other people on the road. Glancing from side to side in the sweeping motion to check for oncoming traffic isn't enough on a bike.

I also have to take a quick squint over the shoulder now and again to make certain that the evil people that are tailgating my bike in the Chevy Big Block, jacked up, converted 4x4 redneck special aren't planning me as the next target for 'Deathrace 2000'. But I know that they are. I can feel their wicked presence.

They are laughing.

I can hear them Laughing because their windows are down and my bike has no windows to roll up.

Because the weather is warm and fishing season is upon us, they are also hauling a fishing boat, or an unreasonable facsimile of said boat, on a trailer behind them.

Now, as added fun in the game of traffic terror, they have begun deliberately fishtailing the trailer so that when they make their 'come from behind' move to pass me for the thrill of the invisible checkered flag, or to watch me and my bike get flipped without knocking off my shoes, they score extra points in the game.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!

NOW I AM UP ON THE SIDEWALK!! I AM COMPLETELY OUT OF YOU LOONY TUNES' WAY!! AND THEY KEEP COMING!!! HOLY MOSES AND ALL OF THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL!

They are edging up to the side of the road like the sidewalk won't stop them. And I am scared for my literal life.

I pulled over into the grass in the front yard of people I don't know while the 'General Lee' horn sounded and their raucous hoots echoed as they headed down the road to the Elk River. Carefully stuffing my pounding heart back into my chest, I resumed my ride to the store for milk and a graduation gift.

The pure evil part of me thinks that I hope their boat leaks like a sieve and none of them can swim. They have scared about ten years off of my life and I'm not so sure I had the ten years to offer them.

Losers!

But the kindly and reasonably decent part of me doesn't really want them to drown.

Not really.

Because I'm quite sure their nasty and evil selves would poison all the fish.

Happy trails on the streets and highways near you. And remember that being a jerk isn't about your address, but your attitude!

Safe Motoring!