Slack, slack, slack!

My thumb is bloody, I have ripped a few layers of epidermis from my right palm, I have blisters forming on both thumbs and my muscles are revolting against the abuse.

Yes folks, it's home improvement time.

I'm the manual labor since I have no day job to prevent me from sweating in the floor while I razor up and rip off the ancient linoleum in the main bathroom.

The best part is, the floor is in LAYERS. Yep, like the stacks of pancakes that greet you at breakfast, the floor comes in stacks of variant colors, none of them particularly appealing and all of them worn and pitted from use.

By elephants and hoofed creatures apparently.

Odd semicircular shapes cut into the linoleum here and there seem like some odd visual Morse code in the flooring. But all it serves to do for me is telegraph my frustration that the ugly layers are neither appealing or appreciated.

Why do people not remove the old before slapping in the new?

SLACK! That's what they are! SLACK!

Can you just imagine how drastically over time the dimensions of a room are reduced as people don't strip off old wall paper or remove old vinyl flooring, but instead simply layer the new color atop the old.

It begs the question - if the undercoat is so hideous that you are compelled to cover it, why don't you simply REMOVE IT instead of hiding it behind a fresh frock? One oops with an appliance or a piece of furniture can rip off the new and expose the old in a tawdry peep show that only the brave dare see.

Worse yet, if there is a flaw in the underlying layer, it becomes magnified in the new layer as it succombs to the shape of what lies beneath.

Like a shark waiting for the next victim, the ugly undercoat is opportunistic and seeks to bare is violence and mayhem at the first possible moment. Then, the damage is done and you are left to explain to your guests that you are the one with taste who covered up the offensive patters and colors.

They won't believe you.

They will assume you had to hire a decorator because you have no taste.

Like people who plant flowers in a discarded toilet in their front yard, you can spit watermelon seeds through the gap in your teeth without opening your mouth. The hideous color was on sale and you were too cheap to keep looking for anything more suitable.

Slack, slack, slack! if only you were more motivated this horrible urban tragedy need not happen!

But alas, you are more interested in celebrity gossip and scratch off lotto cards.

It's okay. Your secret is safe with me. Even if it is some horrible mismatched green flooring that doesn't come near the green color family of the accent tile in the bath.