Dear Denise,

While I do not normally spend slavish amounts of time generating fan mail or letters filled with weeping devotion to celebrities, there are times I'd really like to pop a letter in the mail to Denise Austin.

Dear Denise,

Your smiling, sweatless countenance is enough to try the patience of a saint. You are killing me. Although I confess you are toning up places in my body I didn't know existed, I'd really feel like we were in this together if you had to mop up your own puddle of sweat from the floor when we got done.

But no.

You remain high and dry and willfully smiling at my sagging body and keep cheerfully encouraging me to 'move a little more each day'.

I never envied nuns before, but they can sure hide some serious body flaws beneath those habits they don. And I can't imagine them taking time from their prayer routine to do a few rounds with the smiling face of the lovely Denise on DVD for pleasure. I think that would come under the heading of 'penance'.

Rest assured, however, that I continue to dutifully walk, ride my bike, lift the barbells and sweat like a horse pulling a conestoga uphill.

I thank you for the DVD's.

But could you please break a sweat just once for me?

Sincerely,

Shelley

P.S. My best friend Beth said she agrees. You nearly killed her yesterday. I think there is a law in Alabama about attempted murder...