Tricks, treats and crackers

It sneaks up on me every year, even though the number date is the same. It doesn't float around like Thanksgiving's date or the day for President's Day.

It's always October 31st.

But there is always the mad rush to buy candy as if we didn't know.

This year we had THREE Trick-or-Treaters.

Woo hoo.

I'm sure most people attend parties at churches, schools or civic organizations. The number has dwindled down so much over the years, I wonder for those who aren't attending those types of events how many of them just turn off the lights and do nothing.

I remember years ago when I was just a kid myself, we ran out of candy because there were so many trick-or-treaters. We took to wrapping up marshmallows to give them. This was in the days before life itself was hermetically sealed to prevent the transmission of a single microbe.

They ate the marshmallows.

These days, you'd be reported to CPS for potentially passing out marshmallows dipped in crystal meth or some such rot.

I've often wondered how many people are reduced to making do for Halloween when the unexpected ghost or goblin stops by and finds them woefully lacking in miniature candy bars or jawbreakers in single serve packaging.

Whenever we go out to restaurants or travel to places requiring an overnight stay in a hotel, I shamelessly keep the packs of crackers, soy sauce, ketchup, etc. or in the case of the hotel, the soaps, toothbrushes, shampoos and various conditioners and lotions in those tiny bottles.

I'm forwarding a proposition that the little beggars get these items in their trick or treat bags.

Can you just imagine the confusion on their faces?

"Trick or treat!" they gleefully or by rote pronounce in the age dependent ritual of begging door to door at night when decent people are watching "Wheel of Fortune".

Imagine little Rochelle's surprise when she dumps her candy bag out to discover an assortment of soaps, shampoos and body wash in her bag? Happy Halloween and take a dang bath, would ya!!

Or the kid who opens up their goodies to find a toothbrush and some saltines from Denny's? Be sure and brush your teeth after you eat your tasty crackers! Nummers!

There are a host of things lying around that could go in the bags.

Let's consider...

Condiment packs. Kids seldom appreciate the multitude of uses for condiment packs. In addition to flavoring otherwise bland food from the various drive-ins of the world. Slip a pack under the edge of your neighbors tire. When they back out, a veritable fountain of ketchup (or whatever) erupts. It's like a condiment filled Vesuvius!

Ketchup is also good for playing dead. Dribble some down the corner of your mouth when you are playing GI's versus the Taliban and when the bad guys show up and kick you to see that you are dead, you can wait till their back is turned and resurrect just in time to mow 'em down with your cap guns.

Then there are those little pouches that come with some boxed lunches from KFC which contain a cleansing handiwipe vaguely scented like lemon pledge. If you have ever had kids, babysat kids or been in close proximity to kids, you know their hands are riddled with germy filth that makes them a worse choice for hanging onto than the average garbage can. And did you know most kids DO NOT wash their hands when they go potty? Just like their parents, I imagine... GROSS!

So when that precious little imp comes up to pat your face with their hands, imagine your relief when you know they have a supply of handiwipes to clean the goobers from their hands before coming in contact with your delicate skin.

Coupons for cough, cold and flu remedies would also be nice since that infusion of chocolate acts like agar in culturing up diseases. Their parents would appreciate it even if the kids didn't.

Of course, there are numerous options, I just mention these few as a guideline.

I do know people who give out spare change. I also know people who just turn out the lights, pretend not to be home and hope and pray they won't be egged by vandals during the night.

Next year, should you find that you are preoccupied with other more pressing issues and if the date sneaks up on you unprepared, don't be shy about giving the little darlings 'optional' treats for the year. It just might save your sanity when Halloween interrupts the second round of Wheel of Fortune.