Pajama Jeans... no, really

Pajama jeans are apparently the next big thing. Or at least something to cover up "the next big thing".

For those of you not sufficiently educated in cable television's "buy it here now!" channels hawking everything from simulated Princess Diana rings to toilet seats that glow in the dark (believe me, they DO make them!), allow me to share the latest thing heating up the phone lines of the 1-800 and 1-888 marketplaces.

Apparently, these special items are a 'proprietary blend of cotton and spandex'. As 'comfortable as pajamas, yet as stylish as boot cut jeans'. It's PAJAMA JEANS!

These pants are a strip of elastic from being fancy sweat pants, people!!!

The idea here is to look like you cared enough to put on clothes to run down to the Pig for a quart of milk and a loaf of farmer's cheese.

The reality is that you rolled over, clapped your lights on with "The Clapper" which you ALSO bought from 'buy it here, buy it now TV', slipped on a pair of mules and headed to the Pig in your dadgum PAJAMAS.

They are NOT pants, people!!!

They are PAJAMAS made to look like denim with the added benefit of all of that spandex to keep your fat rolls from wadding around like they normally do in plain old flannel.

And regardless of what the high quality video of a size 6 model shows you, you will NOT look even more stylish and attractive by putting high heels on with your dang pajamas!!

Have you ever thought your Grandma looked like a fashion maven in her flannel nightgown with the addition of a pair of high heeled shoes?? Yeah, me neither.

What's next?

It's a night gown and an evening gown all in one!!! The Gown-Gown!! Oh wait. Wendy's hamburger chain already beat me to that one with their 'where's the beef' series of commercials that showed the former Soviet Union's version of a fashion show. "Next, is eef-ningk weah…" and the 'attractive' model is holding a flashlight and wearing a gray dumpy bag dress.

I'm kinda thinking the same people that handled that ad campaign were brought on board to cover these pajama jeans.

Look here, gentle readers. If the word PAJAMAS is attached to the clothing item, it isn't appropriate to be seen in public in them except in elementary school on pajama day or if you are a college freshman who believes you are being cutting edge and avante guard in your choice of day wear.

Other than that, you look like what you truly are, an old person trying desperately to believe no one, not one single soul at the Pig knows you are in your PJ's while you are circumnavigating the produce aisle.

Trust me. We know. We KNOW.

Go home and put some clothes on Granny! You are embarrassing yourself and those high heels don't do a thing for you.

The only thing that would be worse is a pair of gold loafers or fur trimmed bedroom shoes. Don't go there people!! Just say "NO"!