Walmart isn't well known as a funeral service, but apparently, they do cater to the needs of the recently deceased.
From the gaudy, never fade, colored plastic or silk flowers to adorn the carefully mounded dirt to cover your mortal remains to the actual container that will hold said remains, Walmart is here for you in your time of need.
The website doesn't exactly scream about their merchandise for funerals, but seeking to have a finger in every pie or a hand on every urn, Walmart sells caskets, urns and all sorts of items you might need to take care of your dearly departed family member be they animal or human.
In a cost conscious society, people are looking ever more diligently for ways to save a dime on Aunt Maybelle's funeral and Walmart is here to help.
Funeral home trying to make a unjust profit on your suffering and grief?
Never fear, folks! Walmart is here to help with low priced supplies that will be sent to the funeral home of your choice - and in most states, they HAVE TO ACCEPT DELIVERY because of their state laws that require the consumers to have the ability to shop around for funeral services and merchandise needed to lay to rest those who have passed on before us.
There is one small caveat to this savings bonanza. Walmart does NOT accept returns on funeral items.
So if Aunt Maybelle makes a startling recovery, you are stuck with your purchase of the "Generously sized Star Legacy's Regal Wide Body casket".
Despite the fact that it "has extended dimensions width combined with an adjustable bed", the casket can't be returned unless it is damaged in shipping.
So unless Bubba Ray, the local delivery man, is willing to take a $20 to drop it just a little bit, you are stuck with the "exceptional quality, sleek design and squared corners that add to its contoured look".
Of course, come Halloween next year, that "hand-tailored white crepe interior and hand-painted, high gloss antique gunmetal" will come in handy for your front porch display.You can be thankful that it is galvanized metal, which means that your casket will never rust. So all those nasty kids that let their dogs poop on your yard will get a little taste of their own medicine when you make them poop in their pants after you jump up out of your very own casket on All Hallows Eve.
And, as an added bonus, you can always use the adjustable pillow and mattress to take care of the unexpected house guests that dropped in early for the funeral that now isn't happening.
The one thing that really puzzled me about this mad dash for a slice of the funeral commerce pie however, was the notation on the Walmart site that indicated that you could purchase these items as GIFTS!
G - I - F - T -S. Gifts.
Imagine the surprise on Christmas morning when Uncle Burford opens HIS present."We was thankin 'bout you and thought you might like THIS!"
Of course, it can also make an attractive and timely "Mother-in-Law" gift.
Just who decided Walmart was the next option in line for helping the bereaved through this painful time?
And why on earth is it so dang funny?
Maybe later on I'll have some answers, but right now, I'm too busy thinking about how you'd go about using those handy little gift cards to help you purchase that rose casket you've always wanted when it comes your time to go...
Y'all be nice.
It's a need.
And Walmart is meeting a need.
Just like they always do.
I only have one question: Is it wrong to pick up a six pack of Pepsi and some Cheetos when you're picking up the casket for the services?
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