Capitulating - being forced to bow down due to circumstances despite having fought against them, often due to bullheadedness on my part in a situation where I was in the wrong, but unwilling to admit it due to my stubborn pride.
Surrendering - a choice to give up my assumed positions of power and authority either before OR after the battle is enjoined in order to save self or others from the battle's fray and consequences. Sometimes done as an act of fear for retribution, and sometimes done as an act of contrition realizing what I had planned would have brought great harm to myself and/or others.
I don't find these terms to be offensive. Our ideas about what it means to give place in our heart, mind and soul for the presence, influence and power of Almighty God is to surrender, to capitulate and to yield up self for a greater good beyond the scope and understanding of this world.
During our sacrament meeting yesterday, the 4th verse of “God Loved Us, So He Sent His Son” was referenced in one of the addresses presented to us. The words spoke deeply to my often hardened heart about both the need and the purpose for preparing myself to yield up my all to my Father in Heaven. The words read:
In word and deed He doth require
My will to His, like son to sire,
Be made to bend, and I, as son,
Learn conduct from the Holy One.
In my words, both the things I think AND the things that proceed forth from thought to spoken words, there is a requirement. I am to turn my self-will to what God designs for me to do.
In my deeds, both the things I plan and those things that I omit, there is a requirement to consider what Christ would actually do in similar situations.
As a son *child* to the Father who gave them life and birth, my desires should be to follow the righteous example I've been set and to willingly do likewise. So why is it so very hard to see that relationship and do likewise? It is that inner prodigal spirit of self-will above all other considerations that pushes away the One who loves me the most, until I am so broken, beaten, and bloodied by my choices that I either crawl back in shame, willing to be but a mere servant to the one who once I called Father, or to shrink from His presence entirely withdrawing so completely as to deny Him and the relationship in an act of rebellion and defiance that equals spiritual and physical death.
I can be made to bend by force of circumstances, and there have been times that has happened. But far sweeter to the taste spiritually are those times I have CHOSEN to bend my will and my desires out of a greater desire to love and serve my Father. It is in those moments that I feel most keenly that relationship AND that furtherance of love and emotional/spiritual connection which opens my heart to how I can become more like Christ and in due season, more like my Father in Heaven through that example.
Is it truly yielding in the strictest sense of the word? Like the classic monkey trap, we cling tightly to what we value as our personal treasure unwilling at times to see that there is far more that can become treasure unto us when we loosen our grasp on the finite in order to be open handed to receive the infinite.
I do that to myself. I shut my hands thinking I have what it is that I need/want, and in that very moment of closure, bat away those greater things of blessing that could have been mine.
Thankfully we are given a great gift of repentance and rescue through the Atonement of Christ.
When I choose to bend, I am blessed and even when I am bending due to my fallen state, I am blessed through that process so long as I do not shut my hands to that which God desires to grant unto me.
It's as a sweet surrender of love that can bring a magnitude of welcoming that every prodigal child can receive when we come to ourselves as a wanted, loved, and much desired child coming home unto that Father who gave us our very lives.
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