Grrrrrrr!

I am not a morning person by nature.

I do what I have to do because it is required not because I take inordinate pleasure from being out of my pajamas before noon.

However, because the call of duty came earlier than usual today, I managed to take pains to look nicer than my usual fare.

Self proclaimed as a t-shirt and jeans kind of girl, my basic wardrobe of choice is no surprise to anyone who has known me longer than two minutes. I lack both the fashion sense and the desire to prance around as a moving clothes horse for any length of time.

But since I had done a bit extra today, I left the house brimming with confidence.

Apparently, the hidden word for the day is FALSE....as in false confidence.

I ran an errand for my niece who, in a panic over forgetting an assignment she needed for school, sent an urgent SOS long before the 8 am bell rang so that she would have what she needed in time for her class.

Dutifully racing into the school with the items she lacked, and filled with the aforementioned sense of confidence, you could have knocked me over with a feather when the office staffer announced to the entire room "Yes, we get a lot of you grandmas bringing things the kids forgot to school!"

DO I SERIOUSLY LOOK THAT OLD!?!?!?! Dang it, I even DRESSED UP today! I managed a wan smile and turned to leave while swallowing my wounded pride. I dragged the remnants of my shattered self esteem to the car.

Well, I justified to myself, he was just an ignorant old coot who has no sense of propriety when dealing with women of any age. His mother probably smacks him upside the head for no reason on a regular basis just in case he has said something insensitive to a woman at some point in the day.

My drivers license needed to be renewed (hence the REAL reason for dressing nicely) and I waited in the slow line at the DMV. I say slow line because whichever line you are in, the other one is most assuredly moving faster.

The kind lady at the desk verified the information on my previous license and told me where to stand. Amiably chatting away, the blinding flash let me know I had been victim to another scam - the ugly license photo.

It is the singularly WORST photo of my entire life and that includes the one taken right after the delivery of our almost nine pound son where I look like I have been dipped in 30 weight and sprayed with water from the backyard hosepipe.

I suppose the photographers at the DMV have been given training from the Department of Homeland Security in producing photographs that rival the ones for passports. You know, the passport photo that screams to the world "WHEN I LOOK LIKE THIS, SEND ME HOME!"

I realize with hundreds of photos being taken every day, that quality isn't of paramount concern. What they are interested in is moving the line along so they can get to their next government sanctioned smoke break. But dadgummit, why can't they care that I don't wish to look like a Senior Citizen on crack?!?!

And after all of this, did I forget to mention that my birthday is coming up in a few days? One of those delicious ironies that is so funny when it happens to other people, not so much when it is mine...one year older, but apparently generations worth of wrinkles, lines and flab.

Is this the culmination of all of that self-sacrifice, starvation, elimination of every single food I actually LIKE to eat, the addition of enough exercise to make me think (again with that sadly misplaced confidence!) that I am making progress toward physical fitness?

Let's just roll me into the ground now and save time later, shall we?

I officially feel past my prime. Though I haven't been able to spot it when I checked in my mirror, the appearance of my past due date must be in a form only other people can see.

Is there a 'day old' rack for folks of my advanced years? If not, I'll just sit here quietly and try really hard to keep from getting another wrinkle or a muscle cramp.