Honk if You Love Jesus

The bumper stickers used to cover cars everywhere like butter on biscuits. "Honk if you love Jesus!"

Even as a child, I wondered about that. My folks raised me thinking that raucous public displays about God and Jesus weren't exactly kosher. Being reverent in church didn't often include honking the car horn on the Chrysler Imperial.

Nor did we honk our love for the Savior along the road.

Which brings me to another odd moment in life.

When did it become okay to begin honking your horn to urge the car ahead of you into the path of danger because you are too impatient to wait your turn when it is safe? That doesn't sound very much like an "I love Jesus" moment.

While sitting in the LEFT TURN LANE this evening heading to bring home some Chinese food Rick wanted, a dude in a jacked up truck waited precisely the giblet of a nanosecond when the light turned green to begin honking his horn.

I do not have a 'Honk if You Love Jesus!' bumper sticker, airbrush art design or magnetic sign ANYWHERE on the truck I was driving. So, I assume his honking had nothing to do with love.

And most assuredly, he didn't love me one iota.

He was URGING me forward by horn and by gesture which is know as "a Hawaiian hello", flipping someone off, "giving the bird", the middle finger salute, and other less savory names. I am quite certain that had I heeded his ill-timed and ill-advised suggestion and been rendered into a gooey pavement pizza, this gentle soul would have done nothing to ease my suffering, but rather, whipped around me to get to the tobacco shack or whatever else he was rushing to do that was more important than my life.

Drivers have grown colder by the year. Of late, the 'me first, last and always' mentality seems to have trickled down to the tricycle set. Impatience outweighs the need for safety.

That can't possibly show love for Jesus. He wasn't impatient with anyone.

I have a really hard time invisioning the Master of us all sitting in traffic and impatiently jabbing the horn in a rhythmic tattoo of audiological violence that incites others to acrimonious behavior.

There is no way He would offer someone a vulgar gesture or in any way make another driver feel as if they were unworthy of their lane on the highway.

Yet, our cars, which often bear everything from bumper stickers to tiny figurines of patron saints and plastic decals of fish to remind us that we are alleged to be Christians and thus followers of Jesus Christ, play host to our nasty fully mortal behaviors.

If we really love Jesus, can we cut a gap for the stressed lady trying to squeeze into the impossibly long line three lanes of traffic compelled to merge into a single lane while dodging barrels and construction workers?

Instead of honking our love while we drive, can we leave the maniac behind the wheel at home and practice a little Good Samaritan in our actions?

I'm certain that the horn is helpful, like a gentle toot of the horn to let someone know they are backing out into traffic or when someone is a friend of yours and you accompany it with a friendly wave that includes your entire hand and not just one finger of it?

Being honked at for not anticipating the change of lights that signals the opening of a new lane in the autobahn of Alabama just makes me feel scared. If I'm not quick enough to urge my car into motion, will they just whip out a gun and shoot me next? I'm relatively certain that would slow me down even more and probably make a big nasty mess of the moo goo gai pan.

There are lots of nice people on the road. We just don't hear about them in glowing terms because we simply take their behavior and Christ-like driving for granted.

It's the behind the wheel demons that worry me. They masquerade as a believer in the bumper stickers and decals adorning their car, but drive like a member of the Devil's own when they think they aren't making enough progress on the roadways however they choose to define that feeling.

Maybe it really is time to refine how we honk our horns. The first cars didn't even HAVE a horn. While I'm not sure that would be prudent, shouldn't there be some basic instructions about when it is safe and appropriate to honk?

Certainly, some harried driver's ed teacher has mentioned that jack-rabbit driving is just an accident waiting to happen and that the car's horn isn't to be used as a weapon? Oh, that's right, we weren't listening right then because that cutie pie in the second row was looking right at us with their baby blues or chocolate browns or whatever. We thought the car horn was a cute attention getter.

Little did we know it was a way to show impatience, aggravation, anger, malice and lack of care.

Honk if you love Jesus, indeed.

All I know is that the people who use their horns to bully other drivers into actions that are not safe should be confined to a room filled with flatulence and no air holes.

But that probably isn't very Christlike either.

Oh well.

Guess I need to find me a bumper sticker for my own car, but it needs to go on the inside to remind me, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."