Public Restroom Etiquette

Public restrooms are a necessity of life. We can find them virtually everywhere. But the way people treat a public bathroom is a disgrace because they have fallen into the mentality of "someone will clean it up".

I'm also not a fan of the way most public restrooms are set up. It's a well known fact that women have more of a challenge using public facilities than men do. Yet, they don't build near enough stalls to accommodate women at a large public facility... it's like they think we are more adept at "holding it" than men are... which might be true simply because we have grown up knowing that our strip tease to take care of business simply takes WAY more time than a man's trip to the restroom will take.

There are, of course, other issues that I find objectionable when visiting a public restroom.

Nothing worse than going to wash your hands after you have completed your appointed task only to discover that there is no soap, water all over the counter and no paper towels and the hand dryer is broken.

Time to cowboy up and do the redneck paper towel routine of drying your hands on the back of your jeans or being forced to do the old 'fling and dry' routine when you are in a dress. I must confess I HAVE had to dry my hands on a dress before. No choices...

By far my biggest pet peeve is the 'buddy system' that apparently exists when choosing a stall. It's like there is a magnetic attraction to the stall that is next to one that's already in use. I am not a public bathroom friend anyway, and the idea that there are a people all around me tends to make my 'shy' in getting the job done.

I was in the locker room this morning after completing my workout. There are about 5 stalls in this room. I went into the facilities and slipped into a stall. The lady who came into the locker room right behind me took the stall right next to mine even though there were three other empty stalls besides the one she chose. Uh... this might not be so good...

I'm not one to cast aspersions on how you manage your trips to the bathroom, but the sudden carrying on in that stall next to me had me wondering if the shaking wall was about to collapse atop me. There was banging and beating upon the wall, roll upon roll of toilet paper being extracted from the little wall dispenser for heaven's knows what purpose (PLEASE don't tell me!) and, oddly enough, there was only one foot visible on the floor with the toes pointing toward the stall door. I'm not sure if she was bracing the door with the other foot (the locks here are NOT broken) or using it for some sort of leverage point for a particularly "difficult" job... the sharp banging and slamming sounds continued.

Then the other noises began. There was sniffling that I swear could have come from your average wooly mammoth, graveyard moaning and some type of shuffling or rustling paper sound that made me wonder if she was running a gift wrapping counter in her stall.

Holy Moses! What in the Sam Hill is going on in that stall???

I have to say at this point, it reminded me of too many unpleasant bathrooming adventures in my travels. Lord knows all God's chilluns gotta go pee, but is there some kind of secret code that says when people are in the stall next to mine they are compelled to make me feel so uncomfortable that I lose the urge to "go" myself? Please, people, when in a public facility unless the line is a quarter mile long, can you PLEASE not go into the stall next to me and proceed to die or to assemble a bicycle which you had carefully tucked into your gym bag? Y'all are scaring the pee right back up the spout!!

Truly not willing to wait around to see if she came out with her Christmas shopping purchases wrapped and ready to slip beneath her tree, I hastily yanked on my clothing and fled to the sinks to wash my hands --- without soap or paper towels. I hate that last minute, hands already soggy feeling when you come to realize that you are left to dry your hands on your shorts because there were no towels within miles or a hand dryer on the wall option.


I'm about ready to declare shrubbery a viable option.

Yeah, I know you are concerned about public decency and the trauma that you might endure if you walk up on me taking care of business. But I'd rather be able to DO my business than spend the next few minutes trying to find someplace to "go" before I wet myself.

Y'all need to learn some bathroom manners!

Please do so before my next trip to the ladies room, would ya?