Literally

An amazing thing is happening.

People have begun to take everyone literally.

As if no one is capable of making a misstep or uttering a malaprop, intentional or otherwise.

People with incredibly thin skin complain that the world at large is against them because another soul uttered words that were personally offensive to them or that just plain hurt their delicate feelings.

I honestly believe that we should all be nice and play well together, but sometimes even the most well intentioned and cultured person on the face of the earth can stumble through their words and say or do something totally out of character in a moment of stress.

Does this mean they should be vilified and hung up as an object of scorn for the world to pillory?

I don't believe so.

The very same voices that scream the loudest about how offended they are by the 'literal' statements and tone of others don't seem to mind getting all of their daily exercise by jumping to conclusions about the possible meaning and agenda of the person who said it.

They seem to feel that they are personally immune when they themselves make statements that are designed to get attention or inflame the masses.

It is as if the injuction to avoid crying "FIRE!" in a crowded place is a rule for everone but those who want to toss the first match.

If everything is to be a literal interpretation, then we must begin at infancy to irradicate the subversive. Story books must contain only facts supported by governmental research and the efforts of the popular lobbying groups of the day. That which falls out of vogue must be destroyed so that the literal can overcome the figurative in what will certainly be a triumph of truth and perfection.

Imagine the trouble political candidates will have with this new format. The Good Lord knows that politicians as a whole seem to have no problem with figurative expression. What they lack is the literal that makes the line from point A to point B short, direct and above all, straight.

If this new policy is to work at all, we must apply it across the board without prejudice.
Those who use inflammatory speech must be prosecuted and perhaps exiled to a location for dangerous prisoners and verbal terrorists.

Imagine how quickly we could weed out political candidates who simply could not speak the truth, as determined by the latest Gallup Poll.

It is an Orwellian vision that seems to be bearing fruit. You have to be the "RIGHT" person in order to utter the phrases that offend and it be considered a verbal bon mot.

I don't think I'll ever be that person. I have too much of a tendency to shoot from the lip.