Been a while

It doesn't seem like time has passed by so quickly, but it has.

The truth is, I can't seem to keep up with the days sometimes. They sort of rush past in a group as if I am not allowed to know them individually.

But the good news is, sometimes that doesn't matter much.

Aside from the confusion when I try to write the date on something, it generally isn't a big deal.

Except when it is.

Like realizing that my son has been gone for 4 whole months. Other than emails and a handful of letters, I have spoken on the phone to him in a group setting ONE TIME since he left.

It's all good.

I want him to serve and to find his way in the world as a man. The idea of a 45 year old adolescent isn't appealing at all. But I confess that I have a little counter that tells me when he will return home.

He won't need me as much in the ways that kids do. I'll learn to accept that truth in time. He won't seek out so much of my time in the way that young adults do as they try to discover their own niche in life.

But, if previous observational experience has taught me anything, there will be a different relationship altogether that is more like that of friends than parent to child when he returns. I can already sense some of that now.

Although we joke about the familiar and usual, it isn't the main thrust of our conversations now. Instead the emails we exchange tend to talk about the challenges he is facing now that he is on his own making the decisions and calling all of the shots.

Adulthood is a school we never graduate from because we keep having to repeat the coursework.

He doesn't know this yet, although he may have gotten a few hints of the coming attractions.

The good news is that he is learning to be self sufficient in ways that being at home, in our town, comfortably secure in America would NEVER teach him. There truly is something broadening about going overseas. Or so I hear.

Everyone has notches on their belts now that I don't possess. Other than Canada and Mexico, which sort of don't count because they are attached, I haven't ever left American soil.

Even swimming and floundering around in the ocean doesn't count because of that pesky national and international waters thing.

If only we had beaming technology, we could beam over for the day and sleep in our own beds at night. Beam back for breakfast and touring and head home for an afternoon nap. It would certainly have some possibilities.

No bedbugs and no hotel bills so you could splurge on food and t shirts.

I suppose since beaming technology isn't possible right now, I'll have to wait until 1 year and 8 months from now to see my boy again. But when he steps into that airport concourse, he won't be a boy anymore. He wasn't a boy when he left.

It's just hard to see that when you are the Momma.

But time will pass so fast and soon, that little sweet face will come back weathered and experienced from having gone out from home and hearth to carve a place in the world that will always and forever be his.