Have I Done Any Good

My skin isn't thick enough and my faith is weak.

How on earth do the strong people get that way?

Right now, my faith level is about a quart and a half low and I am finding it hard to believe that anything I would ever come up with saying would ever be of use to someone who is seeking the truth.

Are imperfect missionaries useful?

I have shared the little candlelight of faith and understanding I have with others when I felt so prompted to. But I haven't seen it make a difference to them. And sometimes that makes it hard for me to understand why.

Why would I feel like I should share what I hold so dear only to see them politely put it aside and go on without even taking the little light I am offering.

Perhaps the light I hold is so fragile that it can't withstand the harsh winds of the world and simply puffs out into a thin tendril of smoky memory that is soon vanquished and gone.

I don't know.

But I know what I believe.

Sadly, me believing something is true isn't sufficient to help anyone else to believe it.

And forcing the human mind isn't too good. The results of force are seldom what we had hoped for anyway. Like the old adage says "A man who's forced against his will is of the same opinion still."

I don't want someone to believe what I believe as the price of 'getting along' with me. I hope I am open enough that we can be different and respectful and still be friends.

But it hurts to feel the light and understanding that has been shared with me sit dormant and it never make any headway into the lives of those who mean so much to me in the world as a whole.

While I understand I am an imperfect vessel, surely some part of me is good enough to be of service?

I don't mean to be whiney and pitiful.

But some days, having the faith to plant the seeds is hard to come by. And having the faith, hope and resiliance to believe that the flowers of faith can grow and flourish is dim at best.

I think of the words of a hymn I know: have I done any good in the world today? Have I helped anyone in need? Have I cheered up the sad? Or made someone feel glad? If not, I have failed indeed...

just something rambling around in the windmills of my mind...