To Be or Not To Be

Blogging is such a strange habit.

Like an itch that crops up needing a good scratch from time to time, I find my writing to be a sporadic issue that tends to come and go dependent upon the other pressing matters in my life or sometimes BECAUSE of the pressing matters of my life.

I have noticed of late a tendency for lots of bloggers to vanish or to go private with their various offerings.

Unsure as to what to make of this, I continue along with this blog knowing that even if someone stumbles upon it, they will likely not stay. What few people who have read it are candid enough to let me know how they feel with sometimes unpleasant results.

Since this is, by extension, part of my journal, I don't necessarily feel too awful when someone doesn't like what they read. Some of my life is chaotic and not to pleasant. When those times crop up, I guess I haven't developed the spiritual maturity to take it all in stride and continue forward without being harsh or abrasive in my choice of words and/or actions.

What I think and feel are minor compared to the issues of the world. I get that.

But when emotions are intense, this little spot gives me a chance to vent unfiltered thoughts in a way that can help me sort them out. Perhaps I need to be better about posting the process so that anyone who might read can see that I have made some progress or learned something or even managed to just survive another day.

When Shakespeare penned his now immortal phrase of Hamlet's pondering "to be or not to be", I wonder if he thought it would change the world.

Somehow, I doubt that. I believe he was simply trying to make a living in the hopes that he could take care of his needs in this world. But the question asked is a good one.

Are we to be or not to be based on the comfort level of another person? Is the sum of who we are to become linked to the emotional stability and maturity of others? And if we are to be only as a shadowy reflection of someone else's understanding, is that 'being' anything at all?

I'm not sure of any of these things.

We can't dwell in a half life of partial truth according to the narrow view of another. But likewise, we don't live in a vacuum and our circumstances compel us to brush up against others from time to time. Where is that magical defining line of being without trampling on the being of another?

Perhaps the question isn't whether we are to be or not to be. Perhaps the meaning is deeper.

To be as another desires us to be or not to be at all.

Sometimes, we have to conform in order to be. Like in a marching band, you can't arbitrarily decide to take a solo passage when the rest of the band is playing something else, you can't "BE" just because that is how you are feeling.

But other times, we are free to loose the muse within and express who we are with the understanding that we have a contract with the accountability phase of life. We can choose our actions, our expressions and our level of involvement, but we aren't able to choose the outcome nor, in some cases, the aftermath.

So how do we determine which level of 'being' is the best for our lives and circumstances?

Asking that questions should let everyone know that I am still a work in progress.

Just the random thoughts of a pajama clad woman...